conclusions!

shocking conclusions today!
went for a walk, felt very uncontent..didnt even know why?
sat down under a tree..waiting..talkin to God.
after half an hour still felt uncontent. but I went back..on the way back I just realized some things:
we people are so STUPID sometimes! we are here on this earth to live in community, to help each other. what do u think why here on this earth are billions of people? because we are not created to go alone. and how is it?
everyone lives his own life! everyone just cares about himself, noone opens his eyes to see where he could help somebody else whos in need! the first thing that need to be done is to safe yourself..everybody else can wait! oh how I hate this behaviour!!
How come that "friends" do not care any longer about u when they find a partner?? easy answer: they are fully occupied...with themselves and of course with their partner. Time for friends?? sorry, not enough time!
I always ask myself if I was like that too? or if I will be when I someday find the right man? if i would be like that too Id like to stay single all life long, cos I dont wanna neglect my friends..
I think were here to fight together, encourage each other, help each other, talk to each other, live LOVE. what happened to this world? what happened to its people??

2nd shocking conclusion.
theres this one senctence from a song that says "I havent got a choice anymore, the world is too far away from me now. Havent got a choice, youre [jesus] the only one who offers a life thats really worth it"
I always sang this song and thought "yeah thats just the way it is!!"...today I stood there and thought about it..and I realized: Im not yet too far away from the world to turn back to old life. Im on the edge. Ive got exactly 3 choices:
1st choice: I take one step further. then I would take a step over the edge and wont turn back.
2nd choice: I take a step back. that would mean that d turn back to old life, old habits.
3rd choice: doing nothing. would mean that nothing would change for the moment..Im safe on my place on the edge.
what I definitely not want is taking a step back. I hate my old life, I hate what happened and I dont wanna fall back to old habits that just brought me down and made my life feel like a big bunch of shit!
Id like to take a step further with god. so that Im on the way of life with him. (Im on the way of life with him now too but that would be radical). But Im not really ready. I tried to and I failed becos I realized Im just not ready.
so theres only one thing I can do. standing still. what doesnt mean that Im gonna sit down in my room now doing nothing.
Ill continue praying for an hour everyday without music and without anything else..Ill continue fighting (because theres nothing else I could do). Ill continue searching God and going the way he prepared. Ill continue searching for my way.
and the best thing about it: Ive got time. becos the lord gives me enough time to make decisions..and when the day comes when Ill take the step further this decision is made. its well thought-out. its done!
but he gives me enough time..the time Ill need to make important decisions.
and after I realized that...I was content and calm.