why can´t you see..??

why don´t you understand how much it hurts?
I can´t go on because it hurt too much the last time..why can´t you see that I´m hurt and crumbled and broken??
and why can´t you see that I miss you so much? that I lie awake in the night and see your eyes and I remember how it felt to lie next to you? and on the one hand there´s nothing I wish more than to have you beside me..and on the other hand I´m just too afraid that it ends up the same way it did before..can´t you see what I gave to you? what I invested in you? how many times I´ve been down because you couldn´t show me your love because SHE destroyed everything in you?
you know how it feels to see that there´s still someone who´s in your life, even if it´s just what was destroyed in you through her? maybe you see it now, because now I AM in this situation.
you tell me everything I did wrong! every minute you find something new what was horrible with me..my jealousy or that I couldn´t trust you and god knows what else..
and so you wanna tell me that all you want is to have me back?
maybe you understand that this is something I can´t believe when all you do is telling me that I´m such an asshole..and YES I AM!
but what can I do against feelings..I can´t fight them..maybe you did it, you fought against the feelings for her..but so you can do it again.
I can´t do anything at all..because I´m the fucking loser anyway..but I´ll live with it and I wanna smile, even with tears in my eyes..
At the moment I can´t..but maybe in time...