feeling fucked up..

at the moment I feel like the biggest asshole in this big world..
and I almost guess I really am!
I feel like that because I hurt him..and I´m the one who can´t go on..and I´m so sorry about that..but I think we would destroy much more than we already have..and I don´t want that because you are too important!
and I hate that I have to go to hamburg tomorrow because I absolutely don´t know what I should do there because I guess everyone´s just like "yeeaaah party, let´s drink alcohol, let´s dance, let´s celebrate!"
and I´m just like "go away, get your fuckin ass out of the door, let me sleep, let me cry, let me be depressive and let me listen to my music!"
of course the people of my class aren´t guilty, but I´m sorry I´m just not in the right mood to do party! maybe it´s good to get other thoughts, but I´m already sure that won´t be possible!
I think way too much, also about the stupid things I can´t get out of my head..I really wanna give it all to jesus, but there are so many things I just cannot understand and I ask and ask but there´s no clear answer..I´m down and it hurts bad..
I wanna talk about it and talk and talk and I can´t stop, but I have to because I don´t wanna be annoying to people or something...