wanna run away...

for here and now I feel so fucked up..
I miss you..I really really miss you..and it does not feel like it´s getting better soon..
and how hard it is, but I don´t think it would be better if we would still be together..there´s no chance to be happy..not with you..and also not without you!
it feels like everything I have been holding on to is just broken and splittered to a thousand pieces..
holding on to you was like holding on to nothing!
so that´s one more proof that the only thing I should hold on to is god, because everything else is fleeting..but even that is hard at the moment..god where are you?
I wanna seek you but I can´t find you because I just can´t get silent, I can´t get calm..I´m thinking too much!
maybe I should write a song to get it out of my mind..but I just don´t feel like it because that actually makes it even worse...I felt alone in hamburg because I felt lost in that fucking city and I hate it! but here I don´t feel different at all..sitting in my room, staring into the sky or at the wall but I can´t find something that would help me..listening to depressing music..and the only thing I wish is to get away from here...jesus please just take me away..I NEED TO RUN AWAY!