confusing...

the weekend was just awesome..when we arrived the party started and we danced a long time..and also had some nice conversations. After the dancing part we played some games and had just fun..
I cant help but I had such a good time up on the nordalb becos somehow its a place my heart loves..I have so many memories of this place, maybe not just good memories, also bad ones, but there are LOADS of good memories, and they weight much more than the bad stuff...
everytime I arrive there I feel like God wants to do something IN me..in my heart..and everytime Im there he really does something..its not always easy..most of the time the hard stuff happens there..
I enjoyed the weekend becos of all the precious ppl around me..becos of all the good conversations, the worship and prayer times, the chill out & fun times and the teachings..
but there were also some thought that are not easy to carry at all..
I know Im still hurt in so many parts of my heart..and thats okay..becos there were loads of things in my life that ppl did that werent okay. they hurt me, even if they didnt wanted to..they just did and there are some wounds that are not healed at all..but thats okay.
the thing that is much more irritating and confusing is all the stuff Im thinkin about atm...
its about england..Im yearning to go there and I still think that if I could I would immediatley pack my bags and fly there...and it wouldnt even be hard for the first time...but..When I go there Im gonna be there for 10 MONTHS...u know how long this is?? 10 months far far far away from here..maybe not far away from the place I call home..but far away from ppl I call "home"..from their hearts, where I sometimes find a missing piece of peace..
I know there will be awesome ppl over there...but I was always scared about being alone..thats one reason why I always wanted to go in a foreign country alone..
I actually dont even know whats my problem atm...I just know that I feel a bit lost here and that I dont really know what I should do now..Im hangin around here, my familys there, but they are not really "there"..theyre watching tv..and Im sitting in my room trying to find something that I could do but theres nothing that seems to make sense at all..I wanted to read a book (well to be honest not just one but about 3 or 4^^)...but I just dont feel like readin at the mom..
maybe its just becos Ive been surrounded of some awesome ppl the last few days..now I sit at home alone again..and I know that I should write an essay and that I should learn some business stuff..yeah maybe its the daily grind Im scared about.. jesus let me just fly away...