Living for your glory

What good is it to gain the whole world, but lose your soul?
What good is it to make a sweet sound, but remain proud?
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all

And take my life, let it be everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do, let my life honor You
Here I am living for Your glory

The road I’m on that leads nowhere without You
And the life I live that finds meaning and surrender
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all

Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
(Tim Hughes - Living for your glory)


oh yes..I want that God takes my whole life to use it for his glory..
what job could I find in this world that is better?
I love how Gord leads my life and guides me through EVERYTHING I have to go through...
couldn´t imagine that my life has ever been so wonderful and also exciting!
everyday there´s something new that God has for me..
and I dont want it to end..I want it to go on and on and on..
I long for more of you lord..I´m yearning for you to use me for kingdom-work!

huuuh...i hate waiting

I hate hangin around, waiting, doing nothing...thats abolutely NOT what makes me happy..
but I cant do anything else at the moment because everything else seems even more senseless..
could´ve go to the midnight-shopping in kirchheim to meet some people from my class..but I was too lazy..and to be honest I wasnt very interested about it..
so I sit and watch stupid series and drink some kaba and wait for something to happen but nothing happens..well I actually dont even know what I´m waiting for but..aaaah I really get desperate..school starts in a week and I really dont know how to handle..it makes me depressive to think about school because I hate it..
but I don´t wanna be depressive because I actually have no reason to be...god really offered me some wonderful stuff the last few weeks and he still does, I should be amazed..well I am amazed but today I really felt displeased..whatever..
tomorrow is a new day, I´ll meet a nice person and I´m lookin foreward because I didn´t saw her for about 2 years. but shes been to england for a few months and I think we got a lot to talk about because I think god works in her life just like he does in mine..
oh yes...tomorrow is a different day!

England and community

so today I started my job as a charlady..wonderful..I always loved cleaning floors..
but its good that I have that job for 3 months because I´ll get good money for that and maybe then I´m able to fly to england for a visit in manchester or bristol or whatever..
the main thing is I can get back there as soon as possible cos otherwise I get crazy!
to be honest i don´t have a clue how it should go on now..
I have to pay back lots of money, I have to stay in school although I hate it and the only thing I really want it to go back...
but I´ll trust in god..cos he really showed me his love through the whole holidays..there wasnt even one day I felt like hes not there..he showed me that he provides me through every life situation..he showed me his mercy and he helps me to get my life to a point where I am free - without any chains..
I really really figured out that god is ALWAYS there. no matter whats happening hes always with me..thats something that really makes me feel safe even if there are things in life I dont really know hot to handle with..

yesterday I met with Flo and Kaddy and we just had a really nice time talkin, laughin, havin fun...I really dont see flo that often but everytime we do something together it feels like there wouldnt be anything between us..just felt like family yesterday...and its so wonderful to know that u have a family that stands behind you and strengthens u when ur real family doesnt.
thats what I call community, tats what I call chruch. we dont need a big priest or a long sermon..we need each other, conversations, discussions, fun and the knowing that god loves to hang around with us like this! and I´m sure he loves it..
it was sad to say goodbye to flo but in the meantime its not as hard as it has been formerly..because I know hes coming back and I also know that I dont need to see people all the time because if they are real friends they stay ur friends even if they are far away or if you are far away..we´re bonded with our hearts so no distance can really seperate us..
and I thank god that hes showing this to me at the moment so it wont be that hard to go away when I´ll leave this town..and that what I WILL do someday!

how marvelous...

...how wonderful and my song shall ever be:
how marvelous
how wonderful
is my saviours love for me!

thank you jesus...
you really listen to me..you fullfill my wishes..you´re always there, you love me like nobody else.
you are really wonderful lord..thank you, thank you jesus!
Amen!

God is using me..

so what I do at the moment is hangin around here, eating salt and vinegar crisps, drinkin some tea with milk, eating some chocolate from there, listening to easeful music and thinking about all that God will do in the future..just like I did when I was in england..
it´s kinda stupid to do what I do because it doesnt make sense..I only get fat if I go on like this ;)
but there´s nothing I could do instead cos I just feel to lazy..it´s a bit crazy, I went to bed today at 5 am..and I slept till 2pm..that´s not really a good rythm for sleep..
and that´s how I feel..out of rythm..
it´s a really strange feeling to be "at home" but in fact you know that you just don´t feel like home because you left home yesterday..oh goodness, what the hell am I talking??

I know God has a big plan for me..
I know that the first step of my plan for the future will be to go to england. But what I can´t say (and I´m almost glad about that) is how long I wanna stay there.
Maybe I find a job that I really wanna do there..so if that would happen I would stay there. because there are a lot of things to do and to learn..
the funny thing is that I have a lot of things and people here that I really really love from my heart. and I´m thankful that I have them and that God gave me SO MUCH!
but I know if they are real friends they will still be friends when I´m in england. so there´s no need to stay here..I could come back whenever I want...that´s whats such a blessing.
I´m not handcuffed here...there´s nothing that really enchains me here..
so I´m free to go wherever I want and how long I want.
God showed me that EVERYWHERE in this world you can find awesome and lovely people. I´ll never be alone. and even if there would NOBODY, god is always with me, whatever I do, wherever I go.
I know I wanna help hopeless people. I know I wanna give love to this heartless and loveless world! I wanna show people that there is someone who always loves them.
I wanna show people that it´s worth living..
I wanna tell them my story because God took me out of the mudd and the dirt and placed me directly into his light! he took all the bullshit off my life and he gave me a new one that is clean and justified through him.
I wanna go to the streets where the people are who have NOTHING. and I wanna give them something..I wanna go to the lost and lonely places where are the people who did many things wrong and who aren´t loved by ANYONE.
I wanna go to the people that are hurt because there were other people in their lives who hurt them.
I´m sure god will use me..in any way..I don´t know how, I don´t know where and I don´t know when..but I´m sure he WILL!!

Momentum 08 - more that just a camp..

so I´ve been to soul-survivor momentum08 in Great Britain the last 6 days..
and what to say? one more time I just have to admit that my Lord is the only one who gives me more than anyone and anything else in this world!
What I experienced there was awesome! and it was not only god..
it was the people! The first night we stayed at a familys house in salisbury..and they just took all of us - 9 people - and they really gave us a home for that one day. they said we should feel like home, they cooked us awesome meal and gave us some typical british stuff to eat ;) they so took care of us, I never experienced something like that before. It was just like we would belong to their family, and for them it seemed to be the most usual thing ever. and it wasn´t just that family that was like that. It was also Phil Kelly, who is such an impressing person to me! we went to his house to eat some lunch together today (well, at this time I should rather say yesterday). and he´s such a person of love and kindness..! WOW! It was John who came to follow our group and just shared all his stuff with us and it was a nice man standing outside the late night worship - just being kind and full of love.

of course I also had my struggles, just like I have them all the time ;)
Had a hard evening at..I don´t know, I guess it was saturday or something..where I just realized one more time in my life that I´ve always been the one who´s been wasted in relationships..
and that´s nothing I say just because I feel like that poor little girl that needs some attention for that..I just say it because it´s a fact.
It´s always been the same..wheter they betrayed me, they lied to me or they fooled me..I´ve always been the one who was down after all of those "relationships"..of course I did some things wrong too..well who´s perfect?
but well, that evening I really asked myself, and also God why all that stuff always happens to me?
that somebody I fully trusted just throwed away the gift I made him..that hurts a lot - because it feels like he would´ve thrown YOU away! so I first didn´t wanted to get to the front to get some prayer..but at the end I couldn´t do anything against it, it was just like God pulled me there. And folks, it hurt like hell..I stood there crying like I never did before while someone prays for me..it was almost a screaming out..but it was the healing..it set me free.
well I know I´m not fully free..until I reach that point some other things need to happen..but it´s really like I get free everytime a bit more when I bring it to God..it´s a process..but it works..and I´m sure I will be fully free someday..because Jesus SETS FREE!!

there were also one experience I never made before..we prayed for healing and because kaddis finger hurt we just prayed for it..and what happened? the pain was away..there was NO MORE PAIN! the same evening when EVERYTHING was very silent just because all the people prayed for each other I just needed to start to laugh..and I laughed so hardly, guys, you wouldn´t believe that..and I just couldn´t stop. there was no way to stop that..it was really embarassing because everyone was lookin at me, and as Alex, Julia and Kaddi just started to laugh too there was no turning back..some people around us started too and the joy of us for our god went through the whole tent..that was really crazy!

of course there were also a few things that didn´t worked out like I wished..but that´s something between god and me, I won´t tell you that ;)
there´s only one thing: I don´t understand what´s the sense in what happened (or happened not)..but I know that there IS a sense..because I know God has a plan..and he WILL make something out of it..whatever it will be..


last but definately not least there´s one fact I´m now even more sure about than before I travelled to england..
I realized that it´s not very difficult to feel like home there. Most of the people are really friendly and open-hearted..so full of love. that impresses me a lot..and that´s what I wanna try to take with me back here to germany..if I wanna be that pure love-giver I just need to give love..that´s not very difficult to understand ;) but it shouldn´t be a love that is given by my conscience, it should come straight from my heart because I wanna love the church of God..and I also wanna love the people that doesn´t belong to God. I don´t wanna make a difference..because God loves them all..EVERYONE of them!
that´s the one thing, and the other is that I really ended up with the thought that I REALLY NEED TO GO TO BRISTOL, and if I could, I would pack my bags, I would fly to Bristol, yeah even if it would be tomorrow, I´d fly there and I would STAY there..as long as I want to stay there and as long as GOD wants me to.
what I haven´t got is money..that´s the only thing..I know God is my provider..I wanna trust him, and if it´s possible in any way then I´d go there this year just to start the school this september. As it seems from Phils side there´s no problem with me coming there..because today (sorry, yesterday ;) he told me "that the answer is YES!" and if the answer is yes, there´s nothing more that holds me back.
THAT´S IT what steals my sleep now because all I can think about is that I´m here and I really don´t wanna be here..all I can think about is that I want to be in one place, because that´s what my heart is really longing for..
it might sound crazy but..all the time today- when I sat in the car when we were driving to the london stansted airport - when I sat in that plain that took me back to germany from the place I long to be - when I landed in karlsruhe and took my baggage - when I drove back home and when I arrived here..ALL THE TIME I had the feeling that I just forgot something in Great Britain...I couldn´t explain myself what it should be because I´m sure I packed in everything. When I stood outside praying with kaddi the scales fell from my eyes: What I forgot in Great Britain was my HEART!

Desert song

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow
(Hillsongs - Desert song)

I know that someday I may be not that sure and not that happy about my life and about the circumstances with god as I am now..but I know that now is a time I get filled..so that I can survive the hard times too!
It´s a time where a lot of good stuff happens so that I can remember them when it´s not that good someday.
I wish that it would go on like this but life is never only good! but that´s okay for now because I know that now it´s NOT the time to think about the bad times that are coming! Now is the time to rejoice and to declare that god is my victory and that he is there!
Now is the time to sing and to worship and to tell the world how great, how awesome my god is!
NOW is the time for REVIVAL! because NOW is the time to bring Gods kingdom to EARTH!!
NOW is the time to see miracles and healings! NOW is the time to see god as the mights god he really is!
It´s revival-time guys, the REVIVAL is HERE and NOW!

I´m thankful

I had a great day today...woke up very late what wasn´t that good..but after breakfast (at 1 pm ;) ) I went for a walk and I had such a good time just walking around, listening to hillsongs and thinking about Gods love and mercy and his wonderful creation around me.
on a beautiful place I just lay down and stared into the sky and I felt god warmth inside of me.
His love around me, and his shelter. I know I don´t have to fear about the future..I don´t know what comes but it will be awesome because god is with me.
After that I went to the Weinfest with a friend of mine and we had a good conversation about our lives. After taking a bath what was very relaxing I went outside and watched the stars..I lay there one hour , but I didn´t realize that it was so long..it was just beautiful!!
Today I thought about all the lovely people god placed right beside me.
I really have friends that help me to go my way and that understand and support me in every situation, but they also tell me when they think that I go a wrong way, which is important too!
I have people around me who challenge me and who show me new ways and possibilities.
I´m thankful to have a youth-church where I can practise my abilities and where I can try to do some new stuff. I´m thankful for the ejki because it´s a place where I can ALWAYS go and I´m ALWAYS welcomed.
And most of all I´m thankful that I´m allowed to belong to such a woderful, great, loving, merciful and glorious GOD who is my provider, healer and saviour. And over all my friend and father who´s always always there!!

John 3,16 --> only JESUS

John 3,16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.

-->what to say about that?? it tells everything for me..oh this life is so exciting with Jesus in it..and I´m so happy about the fact that I finally arrived the light and that I´m out of the darkness!!

"...Wahres Christentum ist ein Leben im Bereich des Uebernatuerlichen. Dies ist sehr grundlegend, weil wir berufen sind, einen uebernatuerlichen GOTT anzubeten, und weil wir ihn im GEIST UND IN DER WAHRHEIT ANBETEN SOLLEN.
Unabhaengig davon, ob uns das gefaellt und ob wir es glauben oder nicht, es ist schlicht und einfach eine Tatsache, dass Menschen, die sich Gott durch die Nachfolge Jesu Christi naehern, nach und nach mehr in der geistlichen Welt zu Hause sind als in der natuerlichen, irdischen Welt.
Jesus befindet sich an einem ort, dessen Licht und Herrlichkeit so unnahbar und ehrfurchtgebietend ist, dass wir mit unserer irdischen Natur diese Dimension weder begreifen, geschweige denn Zugang dazu finden koennen.
Er ist nicht mehr Jesus von Nazareth, sondern er ist der HERR DER HERRLICHKEIT, der ueber aller Herrschaft, Autoritaet, Macht und Gewalt steht. Dennoch ist das Leben, das er hier auf der Erde gelebt, und das kreuz das er erduldet hat, die GROEßTE OFFENBARUNG SEINES WESENS UEBERHAUPT. Hier sehen wir wie er WIRKLICH ist!
Wenn wir sehen was er fuer uns getan hat, dann geht es letztlich darum, dass wir begreifen, wer er ist und wo er thront, damit wir zu ihm in Beziehung treten koennen."

--> it´s from a book of Rick Joyner ("when god walked the earth") that I read at the moment!
I think God is speaking to me when I read it..it´s awesome!! And I don´t wanna say that we just have to freak out now and that we need to feel like we are in heaven and we don´t belong to this earth anymore..that´s definatley the wrong way..I rather think we should take this fact and GO INTO this world with the knowledge we have about god and his spirit..because this way we could reach the people...

Luke 21,17

I think I finally understood what Jesus meant when he said that the world will hate us for the fact that we belong to him..
I have to figure out at the moment that there are to groups of people around me:
The first group (and that´s the majority) calls me crazy! they don´t understand that I found my life in Jesus christ. they can´t understand that I believe in healings and miracles.
they call me crazy because I focus my life on jesus.
they call me crazy because I wanna go to a school of ministry, they say I would take drugs because I´m happy, I´m not depressed anymore..they say they don´t know me anymore..

-->the fact is: I don´t know me anymore too!! but that´s the good thing!
because I always knew me as a depressive, negative, frustrated and scared person..that´s what I´m not anymore! No more addicts, no more fear, no more depression!

the second group thinks like I do:
they also think there´s a near revival..they want to experience God in all his glory,too!
they believe that Jesus heals..and that he also does it today!
maybe they are encouraged when they see me..just like I am when I see them!
we are standing together for god!

-->and this is the fact I love!
we can share gods love with each other and we can bring it to the people who don´t know god or his love..we can give hope..because we can show that God can use EVERYONE of us, so he can use everybody else!