leaving so soon...

sometimes (not very often) there are these days where I actually feel good about being in germany.
Amazing people around me. some nice paths to walk when I want some calmness around me. Everything I got used to in the many years I lived here. Fun, joy, happiness.
Those are the days I think I dont wanna leave. Where Im almost a bit scared to leave..away from everything and everyone I know? Alone? Without ANYBODY I know?
I know that the time is here to leave germany..I feel it and I know its good and soo important for me to get away for a while..get some inner healing, get to know the world, grow in my identity through being alone and bein forced to open up myself to get to know new people.
Yeah, just experiencing new stuff...
But as Im a person who always thinks shes missing something when shes not around here its pretty hard for me to leave everything I know and everything that is to come...Things I know will happen in the future but..I wont be there...and they will nevertheless happen...thats something that is very hard for me to take.
Some people might not understand this but thats just the way it is..and I think thats something I gotta learn while Im away...I cant be in 2 places at the same time..even if I try as hard as I can..its not possible.
So...its good to get away..but it also scares me...cos sometimes you do not know what you have and love till you leave...and...I dont wanna come back and see you are taken...