Momentum 08 - more that just a camp..

so I´ve been to soul-survivor momentum08 in Great Britain the last 6 days..
and what to say? one more time I just have to admit that my Lord is the only one who gives me more than anyone and anything else in this world!
What I experienced there was awesome! and it was not only god..
it was the people! The first night we stayed at a familys house in salisbury..and they just took all of us - 9 people - and they really gave us a home for that one day. they said we should feel like home, they cooked us awesome meal and gave us some typical british stuff to eat ;) they so took care of us, I never experienced something like that before. It was just like we would belong to their family, and for them it seemed to be the most usual thing ever. and it wasn´t just that family that was like that. It was also Phil Kelly, who is such an impressing person to me! we went to his house to eat some lunch together today (well, at this time I should rather say yesterday). and he´s such a person of love and kindness..! WOW! It was John who came to follow our group and just shared all his stuff with us and it was a nice man standing outside the late night worship - just being kind and full of love.

of course I also had my struggles, just like I have them all the time ;)
Had a hard evening at..I don´t know, I guess it was saturday or something..where I just realized one more time in my life that I´ve always been the one who´s been wasted in relationships..
and that´s nothing I say just because I feel like that poor little girl that needs some attention for that..I just say it because it´s a fact.
It´s always been the same..wheter they betrayed me, they lied to me or they fooled me..I´ve always been the one who was down after all of those "relationships"..of course I did some things wrong too..well who´s perfect?
but well, that evening I really asked myself, and also God why all that stuff always happens to me?
that somebody I fully trusted just throwed away the gift I made him..that hurts a lot - because it feels like he would´ve thrown YOU away! so I first didn´t wanted to get to the front to get some prayer..but at the end I couldn´t do anything against it, it was just like God pulled me there. And folks, it hurt like hell..I stood there crying like I never did before while someone prays for me..it was almost a screaming out..but it was the healing..it set me free.
well I know I´m not fully free..until I reach that point some other things need to happen..but it´s really like I get free everytime a bit more when I bring it to God..it´s a process..but it works..and I´m sure I will be fully free someday..because Jesus SETS FREE!!

there were also one experience I never made before..we prayed for healing and because kaddis finger hurt we just prayed for it..and what happened? the pain was away..there was NO MORE PAIN! the same evening when EVERYTHING was very silent just because all the people prayed for each other I just needed to start to laugh..and I laughed so hardly, guys, you wouldn´t believe that..and I just couldn´t stop. there was no way to stop that..it was really embarassing because everyone was lookin at me, and as Alex, Julia and Kaddi just started to laugh too there was no turning back..some people around us started too and the joy of us for our god went through the whole tent..that was really crazy!

of course there were also a few things that didn´t worked out like I wished..but that´s something between god and me, I won´t tell you that ;)
there´s only one thing: I don´t understand what´s the sense in what happened (or happened not)..but I know that there IS a sense..because I know God has a plan..and he WILL make something out of it..whatever it will be..


last but definately not least there´s one fact I´m now even more sure about than before I travelled to england..
I realized that it´s not very difficult to feel like home there. Most of the people are really friendly and open-hearted..so full of love. that impresses me a lot..and that´s what I wanna try to take with me back here to germany..if I wanna be that pure love-giver I just need to give love..that´s not very difficult to understand ;) but it shouldn´t be a love that is given by my conscience, it should come straight from my heart because I wanna love the church of God..and I also wanna love the people that doesn´t belong to God. I don´t wanna make a difference..because God loves them all..EVERYONE of them!
that´s the one thing, and the other is that I really ended up with the thought that I REALLY NEED TO GO TO BRISTOL, and if I could, I would pack my bags, I would fly to Bristol, yeah even if it would be tomorrow, I´d fly there and I would STAY there..as long as I want to stay there and as long as GOD wants me to.
what I haven´t got is money..that´s the only thing..I know God is my provider..I wanna trust him, and if it´s possible in any way then I´d go there this year just to start the school this september. As it seems from Phils side there´s no problem with me coming there..because today (sorry, yesterday ;) he told me "that the answer is YES!" and if the answer is yes, there´s nothing more that holds me back.
THAT´S IT what steals my sleep now because all I can think about is that I´m here and I really don´t wanna be here..all I can think about is that I want to be in one place, because that´s what my heart is really longing for..
it might sound crazy but..all the time today- when I sat in the car when we were driving to the london stansted airport - when I sat in that plain that took me back to germany from the place I long to be - when I landed in karlsruhe and took my baggage - when I drove back home and when I arrived here..ALL THE TIME I had the feeling that I just forgot something in Great Britain...I couldn´t explain myself what it should be because I´m sure I packed in everything. When I stood outside praying with kaddi the scales fell from my eyes: What I forgot in Great Britain was my HEART!