regrets

I think way too much these days..
I think about the past and about my regrets..about things Ive done that I better shuldnt have done. I think about the things Ive done that changed my life radically.
about the things that destroyed me and about the things that hurt me.
In the past 3 years my life changed a lot.
I even cant reli remember a lot of things in my life that happened before..
I changed a lot through this time. I did some things right and they were good. Ive been growing in these years and I reached some things I never even dreamed about.
I got to know wonderful people in these years and Im sure that a few of them God gave me becos he found it right for me to have them by my side.
But in those years I also did lots of things I wish I would never have done.
I said words I wish I never said, I made decisions which I wish I would have never made. I gave my trust and a part of me to people and I regret it. Sometimes I wish I wouldnt have been so open for some things and less curious about the stuff the world offers.
It hurts sometimes to realize that things happened in your life that arent okay..
and you cant blandish those things becos u just KNOW it wasnt good.
I have to live with these regrets, I can ask God for forgiveness and when he says Im forgiven I am. But I have to learn to forgive myself and thats the hardest part about it.
and yeah..sometimes I hate you and me for all the things we did..:(
I know Im allowed to be sad sometimes and I know its good to be becos it helps me to work through all this stuff..it hurts sometimes to admit to yourself that u did so many things wrong..I goin through this now..


If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
It's made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank god
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

The summers gone, the years have passed,
My friends have changed, a few did last,
The smallest dreams got pushed aside,
The largest ones that changed my life,
And all I wish for was come to pass
From rock and roll, to love and cash
It’s all success if it’s what you need
Do what you like and do it honestly

If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
It's made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank god
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

I wish I could say that I wuldnt change a thing..but I would..
I dont know if my life would have been better in some parts if I would have behaved different, but I would change some things if I could..

yeah maybe I made the DECISION to love YOU a few years ago..
and its just like I said..u cant turn your back on decisions..so what now?
was this decision forever?