growin..

the more I think about what to do the more I confused I become..
Actually at the moment I think it would be best to do nothing, but becos I know I couldnt live with it I best wanna send this stupid shit I wrote per mail so it would be done and I wouldnt have to care about if I should do it or not any longer...it would be the easiest way..but for sure not the best..

today was a bad day...when I woke up this mornin my only wish was to stay in bed and sleep for another 5 hours..
I wasnt motivated becos I knew I would have school and afterwards I would have to clean the parish hall and I would come home at 3.30pm..so my half friday was full of things I didnt like to do..
the first good thing today was when I started to watch the king of narnia dvd..it saved my day..and it was also very nice to meet some cool people in dettingen at the release party of the konficamp CD..its always good to meet great people...but all in all it just wasnt my day..
and everytime when there are those days it feels like I would take at least 2 steps back..

I know I really grew in my identity in the last year..
I did steps foreward, for example I went to people and said something to them just becos God said I should do it, and I did it becos I wanted to be obedient..and in the end I always figured out it was good that I brought myself to do things I actually wouldnt have done if God wouldnt have told me..becos the reaction of those people has always been positive and I grew a lot through conversations, steps I took and all that stuff..
but Im still growing..and sometimes it can be very painful to grow...