failing

sometimes this life is reli hard..
I dont know where this way leads me..
I failed in school and I failed in so many areas in my life before..
always come back to the point that Im a loser..I know I shouldnt think like that and I actually dont want to..but the thoughts are just comin..
I dont know what kind of apprenticeship I should do when i come back from england..I dont know what to do in the time from decembre till august..
I dont know how I should live alone in england..
I dont know anything at all
and I also dont know how to be honest and how to let u know what I feel
I know that sometimes honesty is the only way to get clearness..but Im afraid of honesty..
Honesty could mean I get hurt deeply..it could mean I feel mader than before..
it could mean that i have to lock my room for 2 weeks so that noone can bother me becos I couldnt bear it..
please dont hurt me..please please dont hurt me...