WE ARE CHOSEN!!

what a day!!
seems like this day was reli useful!!
Ive been to a walk with my mother this afternoon, thought this fresh air could help me to get a bit fitter becos actually Im ill atm and I do not feel healthy at all..
AND this walk was pretty good becos I had a real good conversation with my mum and i hope I could tell her a few things that are very important for me..!
in the evening I had "band practice" with kaddi..we had lots of fun, and one more time I had this wonderful feelings that it just fits perfectly when we are making music together.
Of course I dont sing every tone perfectly but thats not what its about..its about the hearts and I know that our hearts r reli similar!!
When I was younger I always wished to have a fried with whom I could make music, just to have some fun together..and thats just what I found. The best girl I know!!
Afterwards we went to our prayer-meeting.
and it was soo good!!
we had a worship and prayer time and I just reli felt that God was in the room.
I felt he was listening and enjoying our singing. he listened to our prayers and was happy about our desire to see more of him in our town and everywhere around.
Unfortunetely I had to leave the group earlier than I wanted but I reli had to go home becos actually Im ill ;)
But - and that was something I reli realized today - God RELI took everyone of us and gave him a place in our group.
Its not a fortune that we build a group, its God-wanted.
Everytime we meet I just feel that God is there and that hes happy about us..I feel hes proud of us. Its so wonderful to realize more and more that I am, that we all are daughters and sons of this almighty, beautiful, graceful GOD.
We are princes and princesses, and we are princes and princesses for a reason! Because HE CHOSE US!! he chose everyone of us to be his child!
Im readin a book about becoming that princess..about living the life as a child of a King.
Its not that easy to see urself as a princess..BUT its important.
there were two sentences I reli loved in this book:

"Es ist an der Zeit, dass wir lernen, uns so zu lieben, wie Gott uns liebt, und uns selbst mit den Augen unseres Vaters zu sehen."

"Ich kann es mir nicht leisten, anders ueber mein Leben zu denken, als Gott denkt"

there is so much truth in those words.
why do I always see my life and think its not that important as others are??
IT IS!! because GOD gave me this life, and I am calles to LIVE!!
And I am loved. Loved by this wonderful loving God, there is NO GREATER LOVE!!
I should reli start to see that I am loved and believe it..and start to love myself..not in a way of arrogance, but in a way of a healthy portion of self-confidence.
Because we have the same spirit in us withwhich jesus conquered the death.
We have the challenge to do miracles in the name of God, things that are GREATER than the things Jesus did.
HE gave us the mission to do that!
WE ARE CHOSEN brothers and sister, so lets GO and heal the sick and raise the dead ones!!

do you know me at all??

do u know me? or do u even want to know me at all??

U see that girl whos going for whatever God has for her..
..but do u also see her strugglin to find her way in this big big world??
U see that girl whos going to the streets to tell the people that Jesus is alive and to pray for them..
..but do u also see that she has to make the decision to do something like this every day again??
U see that girl whos talkin about going to england for 10 months..
..but do u also see how much shes afraid of being somewhere far away alone??
U also see that girl whos talkin about that she wants a job to help people who are hopeless and who have nothing...
..but do u also see her how shes trying to find a job that fits and dealing with the frustration about the fact that she couldnt find one or that shes not good enough??
U see that girl whos laughing on photos because shes happy to have great people around her..
..but do u also see her sitting alone in her room, trying to make it through the day??
U see how strong she is and how good her life is..
..but do u also see the pain inside of her of all the things of the past?
maybe u see her waiting for the man who fits to her..
..but do u also see how she feels when shes standing next to you, not knowing what to say???

yeah maybe that girl even looks beautiful on the outside, she has a pretty face and a nice body...
...but do u see what her heart wants to say??
...do u see her soul??
...would u accept her with all her weakness and with the faults she has??
...would u understand when she cant find herself beautiful??
...would you support her on one of those days where she finds she is not good enough??
...would you love her just as shes trying to love you??

Im not sure if theres anyone out there who could...maybe you could be the one..
yeah maybe you could do and see all those things..because you would maybe want to...
maybe you???

failing

sometimes this life is reli hard..
I dont know where this way leads me..
I failed in school and I failed in so many areas in my life before..
always come back to the point that Im a loser..I know I shouldnt think like that and I actually dont want to..but the thoughts are just comin..
I dont know what kind of apprenticeship I should do when i come back from england..I dont know what to do in the time from decembre till august..
I dont know how I should live alone in england..
I dont know anything at all
and I also dont know how to be honest and how to let u know what I feel
I know that sometimes honesty is the only way to get clearness..but Im afraid of honesty..
Honesty could mean I get hurt deeply..it could mean I feel mader than before..
it could mean that i have to lock my room for 2 weeks so that noone can bother me becos I couldnt bear it..
please dont hurt me..please please dont hurt me...

honesty

just figured out that being honest is what I have to do..
I just dont know how and when and Im scared about it becos I could get hurt..
dont like thoughts like that..
But if I dont say anything Im gonna go crazy..
so the only thing I can do is praying...however this will end, Im sure that God is with me..

In my dream...

In my dream we were in love,
in reality it seems like it would only be me who is...

couldnt we both just fall asleep so that I can show u what Im dreamin of?

you and you and you..

I walked away and never said that I wanted to see u again

maybe thats the freakin problem..Im too shy to tell u that I would want to see u again..before u leave..and that Id love to spent as much time as possible with u..
and if I would be an asshole Id wish and pray that they dont take u (away from me)...
but Im not and so I pray that u can just go..

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before you go

actually nothing at all will change becos its not like I would see u that often..so who cares?
I do! I pray that God just opens your eyes, so that u can see me and that u can see who I am.
I pray that u see what I want from u..

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste 
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase 
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste 
I want you and your beautiful soul

but unfortunetely I waste one minute after another becos theres nothing I could do but foolish stuff and I dont always wanna be foolish..
If I would know that its worth it I wont care and I would be foolish..but I dont know if its worth it and I rather think its not..so I waste minute after minute, watchin, waiting, hoping, praying..

Im sorry that I like u more than I probably should!!

in your arms..

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do


aaaah..Im goin crazy someday..
should I sit watch and wait until I get old and grey?? how stupid is this...
but being honest is way too hard...becos that much more stupid...just ask myself what I should do..
I shuld concentrate on learning now but theres no way..my thoughts are just spinning..
and my time is running too..how stupid is this...its all so stupid!!

I'll keep going on
As just another one
With another song
Who wants to be the only one for you

Just another guy
Blinded by your smile
Just a lonely heart
Can't stand this aching feeling we're apart, apart

Let me sleep in your arms
Let me breathe this clean bright light surrounding you

I will not pretend
That I'm just a friend
My deliverance
Will you think about me every now and then
When I call again

Let me sleep in your arms
Let me breathe this clean bright lights surrounding you
Let me dream in your arms
Let me breathe this clean bright lights surrounding you

In your arms just in your arms


thats just how I feel..just another one whos blinded by your smile..Im sure that there are thousands of others who are more beautiful, more smart, more kind, have more self-confidence and stuff...
but theres one thing I could do: I could love u..more than everyone of them could..
I would take the stars from the sky just to give them to u..
I would write a song for you, or maybe even a thousand..
I just miss you...cant u see that??

wonderin what happened??

I feel my heartbeat...and its louder than before..
my stomach is full...eventhough I didnt eat anything
Im awake and totally crazy...but I almost had no sleep
Im thinkin all the time...but there is no thought I finish
Im tryin to go on...but I wanna turn back time
I close my eyes..but theres nothing but u!

I shouldnt love fall for you but I want to..

..Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it

-something changed-

enjoying life

so many things are happenin atm, I dont even have time to write it down here..
on friday I had a good evening for myself, just a bit chill-out time and hangin around doing nothing...that was good after all this stress..
on saturday Ive been to Goeppingen to listen to sandro baggio, a guy from sao paolo who told something about his church and about the stuff God did there..it was motivating to hear those storys..afterwards Ive been to a birthday which was great fun.
On sunday we had band practice and we had so much fun!!
those guys r reli great and they dont care about when I do not do all the stuff perfectly..
I just love the hours we spend there becos we have a greeat time.
In the evening Kaddi and I drove to Tamm, and I reeeli enjoyed the service there...
They talked about Jesus christ who died for everyone of us, which is a topic I already know of course, but I still think that u cant hear enough about it becos its such a great love and such a grace God offered us through this..
and after the service we talked to some uys we do not see that often and it was just a good time!! I reli enjoyed being there and I love to go to different places and hear different stuff about god so I couldnt imagine any place that wuld have been better for me yesterday!!
Im so thankful for this weekend and I think those are the times Ill love to remember when I look back in a few years!

but this night was pretty strange..
first of all I went to bed pretty late becos I arrived at home at abou 11.45 pm.
and through the night I woke up at least 3 times or something...and one time I woke up and didnt know where I am..reli scary!!
nevertheless lifes great atm...I enjoy it becos I know God has everything in his hands...even if its hard to wait sometimes...

its possible!!!

"Its possible!"
THIS SENTENCE MADE MY DAY!!!
okay my day was awesome anyway becos I went shopping in stuttgart with Kaddi and I finally found some stuff I needed.
afterwards weve been to a prophetic evening in kirchheim and we practiced this prophetic stuff a bit...and that was pretty cool...I never practised it that way...but it was a reli good experience.
afterwards two ppl prayed for me and they said some reli great things.
They said that I will have to get a peace into my heart and that this peace will come and with this peace will come calmness..and through this calmness God will show me my way.
They said God already talked to me but through all the stuff around me I culdnt hear and see clearly what HE told and what the world is telling. But with the peace and the calmness all the things the world is telling are slowly fading away and the things God is telling me will become more clear. And Im reli sure that this is right!!!
and they asked if I stood with a question before God...they culdnt know that, I didnt say anything about that..but the answer is "its possible!"
I have to figure it out but.....thats crazy and awesome stuff people!!!

there is NO greater love

THATS just the way jesus is!!
my day today was pretty boring till the evening...becos then I went to kirchheim to our "more of god-meeting"..and when i sat in the bus I felt such a joy comin up, I dont even know why, i guess its reli because my heart is full of joy becos Jesus is in my heart.
The meeting was reli cool, I felt God in the room, we prayed for kirchheim, for the people, for ourselves, for more of God in our lives and everywhere. And I just had a picture of a big wave coming over a town (i guess it was kirchheim) and of some kind of fog that just covered the whole city. And Im sure that the holy spirit was meant with the fog and the wave.
And it was just like God reli wanted to tell me that his holy spirit will come and fill up and cover our whole city! but that he would come when the time is right.
I dont know when it will happen but Im so EXCITED about that. I RELI am!!
after the meeting I just didnt felt like goin home now and learnin some spanish stuff (I actually reli should do that^^), so I just went for a walk..and I had such a good prayer time, and I was very surprised about the fact that it was about 9.30 pm but the way I was walking on seemed to be so bright 8there were no streetlights). So I looked up to the sky and I saw the clear fullmoon, shining over me. And eventhough there were many clouds the moon just shone through, just as if the clouds didnt even exist. and thats what God told me: "Look at this wonderful moon..do u see the light shine? although there are so many clouds. Can u see that its the same with my light in your life?? My light is shining in your life ALL the time!! u just have to open your eyes and fix them upon me, so that my light will shine through and over everything that seems to make your life less beautiful!"
One more time I reli decided to give my life more and more to Jesus! and heres a song I found that just fits because my God is the only one who deserves...


What is this love given to us
That saved my life through selfless sacrifice
Although we fail the cross prevails
Forgiveness stands
You take me back again

You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
So I give You my praise
Yeah I give You my all
You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
To the truth that there’s no greater love

Now in the darkness God’s light shines
Christ forever glorified
So come on come on sing out to God
Now with all we’ve got
We live for You our God

Salvation’s strong in Christ alone
The Saviour King alone in victory
I step aside give You my life
For You to move do what You want to do

I can’t imagine a life without You without You
‘Cause it’s all for You
Yeah it’s all for You
God
(Hillsongs - You deserve)

think of u..

but I think of you
whenever life gets me down
I think of you
whenever you´re not around
you rest your bones
somewhere far from my own

sometimes life is so funny..reli!!
Im hardly trying to figure out which way to go but somehow Im wasting my time..
wasting my time with watching stupid series, lookin at pictures I shudnt look on, listening to music that keeps me dreamin..
its so wrong...
but what can I do?? I culd behave completely foolish, I could tell the world so that everyone wuld hear what i gotta say..I culd just be honest...
but u know what? thats pretty embarassing sometimes...yeah reeeeli!!
so I just stay calm. eventhough I hate stayin calm, waitin, doing nothing...
instead of talkin Im writin stupid letters that noone will ever read and noone wuld ever understand.
thats sometimes the way life goes...funny isnt it?? yeah I also do not understand it..

yesterday Ive been to a worship evening and it was sooo good! I just felt gods love and it was like he took all the weight from my heart and made it as light as it hasnt been for weeks..
and God showed me how I stood on a mountain somewhere in israel..it was just like he said "hey dont care..u ll get there someday!!"...how wonderful my God is!!
afterwards weve been to a birthday in the hemmingways and its always nice meeting people and talk a bit about life and stuff :)
Im just waiting what comes next!

not good enough

I wish I culd make u see how much it hurts to hear all the stuff u tell me day by day..
u wont ever tell me u r proud of me, and slowly I reli start to believe that u easily just arent proud..not even a bit.
it hurts to see that u wish u would have a daughter whos not like me..
I see no way how we could ever be alright..I see no way how I culd ever get happy here..as long as u tell me that everything I do isnt right..its just simply not good enough.
I AM not good enough..and I never will be for u!
seems like i wuld have to walk this life alone..without ur support..thats the way life goes..

Im confused about this world..its weird.
everythings so crazy...feels like theres almost noone who understands..
and those ppl who should becos we share the same blood are the last who would understand.
Its always me who does everything wrong..my behaviour is always worse..its always me, just like its always been...thats SO exhausting, can u believe that?? SO EXHAUSTING!!
Id so love to leave right now..atm I see NO reason to stay here...not one..the person I love most is leaving, so theres reli noone at all who understands, school will be over soon (im pretty sure), theres always fighting and arguing here...why am I here?
I need some time out..cos I freak out here..Im goin crazy!

Gods teaching me

its so good to know and also to feel that God has everything in his hands!!
lots of stuff is happening in my life atm..for example when I walked to dettingen to the "insel-godi" at sunday I just talked with god for a while..and it just felt like I could say from my heart that if he wants me to stay alone all life I would do it for him. so I told him.
and it wasnt like its always been that I felt like "mmmh...I dont wanna be alone..." afterwards..it was good. easily good.
the worship in the service was pretty cool. at the beginning I didnt reli came to God..something held me back..I dont know..but as time went by I was reli ready to stand up and to worship the lord..and it reli felt like I would stand at his throne and it felt like he was smiling..
there was a time when everybody could sind out what was on his heart..its reli not my kind of behaviour that I just sing and sind what I feel and what I want to tell God. But I just did..I sang what was on my heart..no matter what the ppl thought or how it sounded..and thats the point I wanna reach when I do worship..and I know it will take some time to get to that point..but Im gonna take the time becos Jesus gives me some time to get better.
it was soo good!!
Yesterday I had a long and exhausting day..had school until 5 pm and then had to go to the theatre at 6.30pm and came back home at 12pm..between school and theatre I took a lil time out to have at least a short time with god..I would have loved to have some more but unfortunetely it wasnt possible..but even in this 30 minutes God spoke to me..I listened to some music and there was a song where the lyrics are "Im made to live, Im made to love, Im made to know you!"
And it was just like God told me with this: No longer care about relationships..YOU ARE MADE TO LOVE! but its in my hands and in my time WHEN u will love someone again..
and he gave me the picture of an eagle that flew higher and higher..kaddi had a pic of an eagle in summer for me too..I dont exactly know what it means but it felt a bit like God wanted to show me that this picture belongs to a prophecy I got in summer too where someone said "someone is here who just ended up a relationship..it was very hard and it still is and you are hurt..but it will be better in time and God will give you new strength and new love and you´re gonna be perfectly prepared for a new relationship"...the more I think about it the more I KNOW that it was for me..and as it seems this picture belongs to that prophecy..
Dont know exactly what it means..but Im excited to find out!!
Im so thankful that God does such amazing things in my life..hes teaching me..every and every day!! could I have a better teacher? NO!!

I surrender...

when I got to bed yesterday it just felt like there were things I havent said to God yet but things that need to be said! So I laid there and reflected the things that went through my head this evening.
and then I knew what it was..its about having a partner and stuff...I hate being alone, thats a fact. and I would wish to have someone I can share life with..someone with whom Ill stay together for the rest of my life, someone Im gonna marry...
David Pierce asked a question yesterday: would you be willing to live without a partner your whole life?
sometimes when I hear thjings like that I think "yeah of course, for God I would do everything"..but when Im honest and when I look into my heart I know that I couldnt say with all my heart that Im willing to do this. I wouldnt be able to pray "Jesus if u want me to live without a partner my whole life I would do it". Because I know that I wouldnt be honest...maybe a part of meould mean it but the other part is too afraid...becos I know that God hears my prayers and that what I pray could come true..and Im scared to to be alone my whole life..to me it seems like a nightmare..
but I know that I fix way too much of all the stuff with love and partner..and so I just gave it to jesus. I just gave it into his hands, I surrendered. I said that it wouldnt be honest to pray the sentence I wrote before but that I want it to be in his hands what happens next..
then I fell asleep..
when I woke up today I still got the feeling theres something I need to tell him..so I gave up on safety and I gave up ma lack of trust..I prayed that his will be done and that I wanna give into his hands what happens in the future, concerning job, bible school, england, actually easily EVERYTHING! its in his hands and I feel better now...
when I listened to this David yesterday I realized that there are still LOTS of things I need to learn..about my life and Jesus..this guy would do whatever God wants from him..everything..he lived in a one-room-flat with his wife and they worked low paid jobs...although both of them have been to the university...he did it for god and he did lots of more stuf..I want that too.
I wanna go after whatever god has for me, even if it isnt what Im dreamin about..I know he has only the best for me!
I dont like the worship thing that I wrote about a post before..becos I know that a part of all this is, that its about attention that people give me..and I know this is wrong. I know its wrong to do the worship and to feel better when ppl tell me afterwards that it was good..
so its the only right decision to let it be till God tells me Im allowed to do it again..
tomorrow school starts again..and the thought about it ruins my day..I dont wanna go there I hate it...I see..hard times are coming but Im gonna fight them cos Jesus is with me and I surrendered and its everything in his hands...everything!

decisions

seems like today has been the decision-day....And I really hope that I made decisions I can keep..
today in the service while we did the worship I heard God talkin to me..
I didnt like what he said at all..but I know hes right!
he said "Lizzy...as long as you cant let yourself fall and give your heart fully to me when u worship me, you shouldnt lead or do the worship in ANY service.."
I did that quite a lot the last time..since the summer holidays I sang or played in every domino service..I played at the beat and I played in my youth-group...and the more I became the leader, the more I realized I didnt do it with all my heart..
I almost couldnt come down...thats pretty hard...so I decided to be obedient. I wont do worship in service in front of the crowd...only between all the people..becos I wanna come back to the heart of worship..where I dont care where I stand, how I look like or if my singing is perfect.
I wanna give my heart completely to God when I worship him. And I dont wanna say that I didnt gave my heart the last few weeks when I did worship..but I didnt gave it completely..
I wanna be honest...honest to God, honest to myself and honest to my community..so it will be the right way..
I also realized that there are many things that hold me back. Hold me back to reli GO the way God has for me.
So I wanna get rid of a few things...for example safety..the longing to have a partner (God knows what hes doing)...lack of trust (Im just too scared sometimes)...and I guess there are lots of more things...I dont even wanna give a tiny part of myself to the devil...becos hes manupulating...And I also know that the devil only hassomething tpo manipulate when I give him something..thats the point. so I dont wanna give him any part of me becos I BELONG TO JESUS!!!
and theres one sentence david pierce said that evening: Jesus is SO powerful!!!!
Against Jesus the devil is only a TINY mouse that cant do ANYTHING!!
so Im safe...so I dont have to fear anything or have to worry about anything..IM SAFE!

Your PERFECT LOVE Jesus

I wanna see the broken hearts
finding hope in God above
I wanna know I’m doing all I can
So with this life, with all I am
No matter what the cost may be
I pray to see your love become our cause

I won’t stop believing
You alone are, You alone are God
In You there's freedom

Your love brings me to my knees again
We're gonna bring an anthem of love
We're gonna live for you now

This perfect love, I can't explain
This way of life that has no end
Your mercy satisfies, it's all I need
My purpose found in You alone
to love the lost and bring them home
We were made to glorify our king

Your love brings me to my knees again
We're gonna bring an anthem of love
We're gonna live for you
May your love become my every thought
I wanna know the sound of your heart
I wanna live for you now

Sing You, you bring me life
You bring me hope
You're all I need


when I found this song today I was totally touched..
becos thats what Im dreaming about...Im dreaming about people who have a broken heart and who are hopeless who find hope in God.
and I know that HE is GOD and that HE ist the ONLY GOD I wanna sing to, I wnna pray to and I wanna live with!
I never had so much freedom in my life than I have since I have God in my life.
And I could start to tell of my fathers perfect love but I wouldnt come to any end and I also wouldnt find the right words to explain how wonderful and perfect it is.
so only one thing: Jesus, thank you for your perfect LOVE!!