scared about the future..

it´s hard to find the right way..sometimes I doubt if it´s the right way just to break up school..but when I think about it clearly I have no other chance..I think I´ve got the chance to leave soon (when everythings going alright I´ll leave in january for 5 months..).
If that is what god wants..I pray that he shows me..and I´m sure if that is not what he wants he will show me..I know he lead me through the last few months like he never did before. because I gave him the authorization. and I still do, so he will lead me again..
It´s a bit strange..I always dreamed about to go away and I still do..I really do and I pray that it really happens..but on the other hand I´m also a bit sad..yes it´s only five months..but there are many things I have to leave behind..My precious friends, my boyfriend, well, also people where I think there are so many things unsaid, undone and unexplained..
but i ask myself what I should do anymore..I´ve done everything that´s possible..I need to give it back in gods hands and maybe it automatically happens when I go..I´m also a bit scared..because the first time in my life I will be really alone..all the time I went anywhere I had someone beside me I know..but this time there´s nobody..and even my parents won´t support me in any way..this fact doesn´t make things much easier..
But in my life I experienced that gods ways are hard sometimes..I don´t expect to be different in every way..but I expect that God changes me..Because I know that I NEED a change in my life in some things..
I´m scared god..I´m scared about my whole future because I see NOTHING..I´m scared about breakin up school because it´s a step from safety to unsafety..and for me it´s always hard to leave my safety behind, even if I don´t like it to admit that.
I´m sorry lord, I´m still a sinful little kid..I´m still searching for your way and I´m still unsure..but one thing I know for sure: I do it with all my heart..I seek you with all of my heart and in your word you promised that everyone who seeks you with all of his heart will find you!
So please come and show me what you prepared for me..