sometimes Im such a stressful person..
I always wanna make everything on my own, I always wanna plan everything, I wanna know things immediatley...I want solutions for problems right now...
and there is one VERY important thing I forget when I am like that: GOD has everything in his hand.
He has a plan that is much bigger than what I expect and what I plan..its perfect and better than any plan I make could be..he LOVES me and he would never do anything thats not good for me.
IM GONNA FIND MY WAY...why shouldnt I??
the bible says in Mat. 6, 25-34:
25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
so why do I always try to find answers and solutions for any problems..I guess I should really CHILL now and let it come like it comes..God is gonna do it alright..I wont make it any way...
So now Im gonna share some freetime, watchin some TV with my daddy just to chill out a bit..
HES GOT EVERYTHING IN HIS HAND..so why should I go on makin myself crazy??
Hes gonna bring me to the job I should do, hes gonna bring me to the bible school in bristol if he wants me there, he´ll bring me to an university someday if he wants me to study...
so everythings gonna be alright...THANKS FOR YOUR MERCY JESUS!!
Mittwoch, 22. Oktober 2008
Dienstag, 21. Oktober 2008
beautiful life
I had such a good time while I was out for a walk today..
I danced.
I laughed.
I jumped around.
I sang.
I was full of joy.
I prayed.
I rested in my fathers love.
I watched the clouds passing by.
I stared into the blue sky.
I enjoyed to lie in the grass.
I was happy.
I thought about england.
I thought about that awesome summer that lies behind me..
I thought about the coming year.
I thought about the time I will spend in england next year.
I thought about a to do list with all the things I need to do this year, especially with Kaddi, before shes leaving <3
I loved and still love God ;)
I ate an apple *yummie*
I fell to the ground because Im too stupid to walk :D
I felt alive!
what an amazing life!
yesterday Ive been for a walk too..but with an old friend of mine (we know each other since we are 3)..we hadnt got lots do do with each other for a few years, but now we sometimes meet and have a good time..thats awesome.
and yesterday we collected some nuts, flowers and chestnuts..we felt like when we were young, becos we did it very often when we were kids...
I thank God for every of this wonderful days..and I thank God for the sun thats shining!! I LOVE it!!
I danced.
I laughed.
I jumped around.
I sang.
I was full of joy.
I prayed.
I rested in my fathers love.
I watched the clouds passing by.
I stared into the blue sky.
I enjoyed to lie in the grass.
I was happy.
I thought about england.
I thought about that awesome summer that lies behind me..
I thought about the coming year.
I thought about the time I will spend in england next year.
I thought about a to do list with all the things I need to do this year, especially with Kaddi, before shes leaving <3
I loved and still love God ;)
I ate an apple *yummie*
I fell to the ground because Im too stupid to walk :D
I felt alive!
what an amazing life!
yesterday Ive been for a walk too..but with an old friend of mine (we know each other since we are 3)..we hadnt got lots do do with each other for a few years, but now we sometimes meet and have a good time..thats awesome.
and yesterday we collected some nuts, flowers and chestnuts..we felt like when we were young, becos we did it very often when we were kids...
I thank God for every of this wonderful days..and I thank God for the sun thats shining!! I LOVE it!!
Montag, 20. Oktober 2008
save you..
take a breath,
I’ll pull myself together.
Just another step until I reach the door
you’ll never know the way,
it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away.
Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there’s so many things that I want you to know
I won’t give up till it’s over
if it takes you forever, I want you to know
when I hear your voice,
it’s drowning into whispers
you're just skin and bones
there’s nothing left to take
and no matter what I do
I can’t make you feel better
if only I could find the answer
to help me understand
that if you fall, stumble down,
I’ll pick you up off the ground.
If you lose faith in you,
I’ll give you strength to pull through.
Tell me you won’t give up,
cause I’ll be waiting here if you fall
you know I’ll be there for you
if only I could find the answer,
to take it all away
(Simple Plan - Save you)
Im so sorry for u and I know I cant really help u..
It hurts my soul to see u unhappy and Im trying to find a way to help u and to make u feel good..at least for a day...but it feels like there would be NOTHING I could do for u and thats what makes me sad!
I just wanna show u how much u mean to me and how much I like u and that u are someone Ill NEVER ever let down (Im trying to), becos u are one of those people Ive never really been disappointed of, even if I dont even know why..
u are so wonderful and precious...why cant u just see it???
I’ll pull myself together.
Just another step until I reach the door
you’ll never know the way,
it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away.
Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there’s so many things that I want you to know
I won’t give up till it’s over
if it takes you forever, I want you to know
when I hear your voice,
it’s drowning into whispers
you're just skin and bones
there’s nothing left to take
and no matter what I do
I can’t make you feel better
if only I could find the answer
to help me understand
that if you fall, stumble down,
I’ll pick you up off the ground.
If you lose faith in you,
I’ll give you strength to pull through.
Tell me you won’t give up,
cause I’ll be waiting here if you fall
you know I’ll be there for you
if only I could find the answer,
to take it all away
(Simple Plan - Save you)
Im so sorry for u and I know I cant really help u..
It hurts my soul to see u unhappy and Im trying to find a way to help u and to make u feel good..at least for a day...but it feels like there would be NOTHING I could do for u and thats what makes me sad!
I just wanna show u how much u mean to me and how much I like u and that u are someone Ill NEVER ever let down (Im trying to), becos u are one of those people Ive never really been disappointed of, even if I dont even know why..
u are so wonderful and precious...why cant u just see it???
Sonntag, 19. Oktober 2008
better in time
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn`t know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going, coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deversed it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be OK
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
I couldn´t turn on the TV,
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna let hurt my feelings
But thats the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be OK
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since theres no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
Yes I do
It'll all get better in time
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(Leona Lewis - Better in time)
<3
I didn`t know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going, coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deversed it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be OK
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
I couldn´t turn on the TV,
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna let hurt my feelings
But thats the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be OK
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since theres no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
Yes I do
It'll all get better in time
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals, too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(Leona Lewis - Better in time)
<3
people in this world
its so amazing..
god shows me how wonderful and interesting people are..everyone in his own way, but also everyone impressing..
its important to kick yourself in the ass so that u speak to people where u thought it wouldnt be worth it - and it IS worth it!! because u learn to see people in a different way...u figure out that they have positive sides that u never saw becos u didnt talked to them at all..
its amazing how many different people we have in this world..everyone individual. everyone wonderful in his own way.
its so important to see the people through gods eyes..becos in his eyes everyone is beautiful, everyone is loved, everyone is someone special..!
and Im trying more and more to see people through gods eyes..becos I think its easier to love them this way..
god shows me how wonderful and interesting people are..everyone in his own way, but also everyone impressing..
its important to kick yourself in the ass so that u speak to people where u thought it wouldnt be worth it - and it IS worth it!! because u learn to see people in a different way...u figure out that they have positive sides that u never saw becos u didnt talked to them at all..
its amazing how many different people we have in this world..everyone individual. everyone wonderful in his own way.
its so important to see the people through gods eyes..becos in his eyes everyone is beautiful, everyone is loved, everyone is someone special..!
and Im trying more and more to see people through gods eyes..becos I think its easier to love them this way..
Samstag, 18. Oktober 2008
home
fuck off staying friends? alright, so if you do I also will..
who am I to run after you?
sometimes I ask myself where my home is..I searched for places which I could call home, maybe I found some which I could call home for at least a while..but I never found a place that I could REALLY call home...which my heart could call home..till I found Jesus..
All my life Ive been living here
trying to make this place my place
but it never felt like it was home
Ive travelled through western-USA
had a good time drivin around there
but it didnt felt like home
Ive been to lots of places
Ive seen a thousand faces
but the only thing I found
was that there was no place to call home
I visited places in Asia
Ive seen a mosque in turkey
but my heart couldnt find its place
Ive been to england in summer
Ive seen cathedrales and towers
I think it felt like home, at least a bit
Ive been to lots of places
Ive seen a million faces
but the only thing I found was:
theres only one place to call home
its your heart
in your heart I find love, I find grace, I find peace
in your heart I found home!
who am I to run after you?
sometimes I ask myself where my home is..I searched for places which I could call home, maybe I found some which I could call home for at least a while..but I never found a place that I could REALLY call home...which my heart could call home..till I found Jesus..
All my life Ive been living here
trying to make this place my place
but it never felt like it was home
Ive travelled through western-USA
had a good time drivin around there
but it didnt felt like home
Ive been to lots of places
Ive seen a thousand faces
but the only thing I found
was that there was no place to call home
I visited places in Asia
Ive seen a mosque in turkey
but my heart couldnt find its place
Ive been to england in summer
Ive seen cathedrales and towers
I think it felt like home, at least a bit
Ive been to lots of places
Ive seen a million faces
but the only thing I found was:
theres only one place to call home
its your heart
in your heart I find love, I find grace, I find peace
in your heart I found home!
Freitag, 17. Oktober 2008
purity2
one more time today its about purity.
Im cleanin my room at the moment..and one more time I realize how much junk I own..
some things that are at least 5 years old and that I will NEVER ever use again...si I have to learn just to throw it away..and thats pretty hard for me..Im really not someone who throws away something he doesnt need anymore (would be much easier if I would be, becos then my room would be filled with the half of all the stuff I own).
but isnt it the same with our hearts? there are things/moments/persons/times that are long gone..but can we let it go and "throw it away"?? often we cant..so theres lots of rubbish within our hearts that we need to throw away, only when we do that we get free...
oh folks thats so complicated and so hard..
the more I get pure inside I want to be pure outside and also I want my room to be clean (which sometimes seems to be the hardest part to get pure ;)..the more I clean up the more old stuff comes out of everycorner of my room (and also of every corner of my heart).
I started at the beginning of the year with cleaning up and with getting pure (well, I just didnt called it "pure")..but its such a long process and Im not approximately ready...its such a long walk..but in the meantime Im at the point where I at least REALLY wanna get pure..Id dint always wanted to be it..
so if anyones interested to go this way too, just join me..its always easier to be not alone - for everyone!
Im cleanin my room at the moment..and one more time I realize how much junk I own..
some things that are at least 5 years old and that I will NEVER ever use again...si I have to learn just to throw it away..and thats pretty hard for me..Im really not someone who throws away something he doesnt need anymore (would be much easier if I would be, becos then my room would be filled with the half of all the stuff I own).
but isnt it the same with our hearts? there are things/moments/persons/times that are long gone..but can we let it go and "throw it away"?? often we cant..so theres lots of rubbish within our hearts that we need to throw away, only when we do that we get free...
oh folks thats so complicated and so hard..
the more I get pure inside I want to be pure outside and also I want my room to be clean (which sometimes seems to be the hardest part to get pure ;)..the more I clean up the more old stuff comes out of everycorner of my room (and also of every corner of my heart).
I started at the beginning of the year with cleaning up and with getting pure (well, I just didnt called it "pure")..but its such a long process and Im not approximately ready...its such a long walk..but in the meantime Im at the point where I at least REALLY wanna get pure..Id dint always wanted to be it..
so if anyones interested to go this way too, just join me..its always easier to be not alone - for everyone!
Donnerstag, 16. Oktober 2008
dying..and live again!
People moving all the time
Inside a perfectly straight line
Don't you wanna curve away?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day
Now the sky could be blue
I don't mind
Without you it's a waste of time
Could be blue,
could be grey
without you I’m just miles away
could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time
u know...there must be a way without u..there must be a life without u..it seems unreal to let u go..it hurts to let u go..it still does..but the more I get away from u the more I get sure about that its the right thing..and I get more sure everyday that it will be the right way to go to england..I dont know whats going to happen..but I know that I dont always need to know everything becos Gods just bigger..stronger..better! better than anything that I expect or imagine..
u know, ur the one who want to tell me that I would become obsessed with the thought to get to england, with the thought of GOD in my life..
u know, thats what shows me that its just right..I guess ull never ever understand how fuckin much I loved u..ull never see how much you meant to me and u still do..but I do not wanna make promises I cant keep..Im sorry to be honest and I hate it but I dont wanna be a liar..
I hope youll get happy someday..I hope youre gonna find someone who loves u the way that u deserve it..I just feel like I couldnt give u what u want, what u need and what u deserve..it cant be me..
Im gonna get away and Im gonna come back..but I wanna die..becos all the old stuff inside of me has to die..I wanna be a new person..becos I cant bear it to have things within me that arent pure, that arent the truth..and I have so many lies within me...lies about myself, about the world about the people..it will hurt like hell and maybe even more..but I know Im gonna be new..pure..Im gonna be true..and Im never gonna be like I have been again..never, never, never!
Inside a perfectly straight line
Don't you wanna curve away?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day
Now the sky could be blue
I don't mind
Without you it's a waste of time
Could be blue,
could be grey
without you I’m just miles away
could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time
u know...there must be a way without u..there must be a life without u..it seems unreal to let u go..it hurts to let u go..it still does..but the more I get away from u the more I get sure about that its the right thing..and I get more sure everyday that it will be the right way to go to england..I dont know whats going to happen..but I know that I dont always need to know everything becos Gods just bigger..stronger..better! better than anything that I expect or imagine..
u know, ur the one who want to tell me that I would become obsessed with the thought to get to england, with the thought of GOD in my life..
u know, thats what shows me that its just right..I guess ull never ever understand how fuckin much I loved u..ull never see how much you meant to me and u still do..but I do not wanna make promises I cant keep..Im sorry to be honest and I hate it but I dont wanna be a liar..
I hope youll get happy someday..I hope youre gonna find someone who loves u the way that u deserve it..I just feel like I couldnt give u what u want, what u need and what u deserve..it cant be me..
Im gonna get away and Im gonna come back..but I wanna die..becos all the old stuff inside of me has to die..I wanna be a new person..becos I cant bear it to have things within me that arent pure, that arent the truth..and I have so many lies within me...lies about myself, about the world about the people..it will hurt like hell and maybe even more..but I know Im gonna be new..pure..Im gonna be true..and Im never gonna be like I have been again..never, never, never!
purity
Im more and more thinking about purity at the moment..
It all started with Dani who cleaned a room in the fitness center where we celebrate our serviceand who talked about purity..he said that the purity outside reflects the purity inside of u...I laughed about it...but the more I think about the more I get close to what he said...
when I look at my room for example..the whole week Im here and there and I just drop everything where I am because I havent got time to tidy up....at the end of the week my room is full of stuff..everywhere is lying anything..I do not take time to clean up so theres no purity..its the same in my heart...when I run from here to there I havent got time to get calm..I cant rest...and the more Im running around the less purity is within me because everything inside of me gets mixed up and I have no clearness inside of me..
people, thats really something important...wen need some purity in our lives!!!
Im trying to get more and more purity in my life..whos going with me??
It all started with Dani who cleaned a room in the fitness center where we celebrate our serviceand who talked about purity..he said that the purity outside reflects the purity inside of u...I laughed about it...but the more I think about the more I get close to what he said...
when I look at my room for example..the whole week Im here and there and I just drop everything where I am because I havent got time to tidy up....at the end of the week my room is full of stuff..everywhere is lying anything..I do not take time to clean up so theres no purity..its the same in my heart...when I run from here to there I havent got time to get calm..I cant rest...and the more Im running around the less purity is within me because everything inside of me gets mixed up and I have no clearness inside of me..
people, thats really something important...wen need some purity in our lives!!!
Im trying to get more and more purity in my life..whos going with me??
Dienstag, 14. Oktober 2008
trust in u...
Im honest: I cant wait to leave this place..ANYWHERE!! but actually Id most love to finally leave to england. every day Im going to this school I hate it more and more. I hate those teachers who only think about theirselves...they dont see u as a person, they just see u as a student whos too stupid anyway, no matter what they want from u...and the more I am there the more I start to feel like this too.
Im not even able to say something in german because I just didnt understood what my teacher wanted me to say..I have no idea, I cant concentrate on all this stuff, Im not interested, Im scared and I HATE it!
If I could I would immediatley leave this school..I cant wait to get away from there..I just cant wait..every day more is a nightmare, every day more seems so wasted...every hour Im there I hate it more and more..Im hardly forcing myself to stay there and not to skip my lessons to do something that seems to be a thousand times more sensible.
I just wanna leave, nothing else..I love the people around me, I love hangin around with them, share some time with them..I love this life, more than ever..but I hate this school..I hate it so..
Im amazed about how God works in me, eventhough I feel like a dumb asshole everytime I have to waste my time in school..Im sure that God will come more and more into my life when I learn to trust him more and more..And I really want to trust him and I do..but not in every part of my life..and thats what I have to learn..Ill need to trust him EVERYWHERE..even in school, which is the hardest part. But I wanna go on..go on trust in him, go on loving him with all my heart..and Im sure Im gonna get to england, I dont know how, I dont know when but I WILL get there.
Please Jesus, show me your love, every and every day becos I cant get through this without u..Im waiting for u to fill my life more and more..and Im waiting to see more miracles. I wanna see ur almighty hand working in my life. I NEED some miracles becos this way it cant go on..Im so tired..Tired of all the stuff around me. tired of this school, of all the expectations that people have on me. I need a sense in my life, and the only sense I find is YOU lord..nothing else..I need u!!
Im not even able to say something in german because I just didnt understood what my teacher wanted me to say..I have no idea, I cant concentrate on all this stuff, Im not interested, Im scared and I HATE it!
If I could I would immediatley leave this school..I cant wait to get away from there..I just cant wait..every day more is a nightmare, every day more seems so wasted...every hour Im there I hate it more and more..Im hardly forcing myself to stay there and not to skip my lessons to do something that seems to be a thousand times more sensible.
I just wanna leave, nothing else..I love the people around me, I love hangin around with them, share some time with them..I love this life, more than ever..but I hate this school..I hate it so..
Im amazed about how God works in me, eventhough I feel like a dumb asshole everytime I have to waste my time in school..Im sure that God will come more and more into my life when I learn to trust him more and more..And I really want to trust him and I do..but not in every part of my life..and thats what I have to learn..Ill need to trust him EVERYWHERE..even in school, which is the hardest part. But I wanna go on..go on trust in him, go on loving him with all my heart..and Im sure Im gonna get to england, I dont know how, I dont know when but I WILL get there.
Please Jesus, show me your love, every and every day becos I cant get through this without u..Im waiting for u to fill my life more and more..and Im waiting to see more miracles. I wanna see ur almighty hand working in my life. I NEED some miracles becos this way it cant go on..Im so tired..Tired of all the stuff around me. tired of this school, of all the expectations that people have on me. I need a sense in my life, and the only sense I find is YOU lord..nothing else..I need u!!
Abonnieren
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