its not a very good feeling to figure out that youre not really that kind of daughter for your father that he wished u to be.
I know now that Im not. I guess he wished that I wouldnt believe in God so deeply that Id like to go to a bible school. And I also think that hed wish that I wouldnt wanna help people and make it to my job, but would rather like if I would be satisfacted with an office-job where I would earn a lot of money.
And actually I can even understand him. Im sure that its not easy to have children who do not think like u do in any way..
But if theres one thing Im sure about it is that Im not that kind of human whos only interested in earning much money, caring about themself and who hasnt got dreams and wishes for his life.
I know my way wont ever be easy becos I plan lots of things that sometimes seem to be unreachable. And I understand that my dad wants only the best for me so he just wishes that I would have a safe job and a safe life..but I just cant live this way..
Its hard to figure out that u are not who u wished to be and that there are thoughts like "wouldnt it be better not to have any children?" but through all the disappointment I feel about that theres still kind of understanding and I feel sorry...
but what I also know that right now Im exactly who God wants me to be right now and that he meant me the way I am. Its not easy to be me but its good that I am me..
Sonntag, 12. Oktober 2008
Mittwoch, 8. Oktober 2008
God the HEALER!!
so unbelievable..I can only sing praise to the lord!!
Its really funny what he did this evening.
I walked around and I just had a pain in my finger since saturday evening. it especially hurt when I played the guitra...and so I thought I could just pray for the pain to go away. I did it - and the pain was gone! This is crazy!! and I also had pain in my right knee the whole day - and its also away..although I didnt even pray for the knee!!
How AMAZING the lord is...I almost cant blieve it!! ;)
Its really funny what he did this evening.
I walked around and I just had a pain in my finger since saturday evening. it especially hurt when I played the guitra...and so I thought I could just pray for the pain to go away. I did it - and the pain was gone! This is crazy!! and I also had pain in my right knee the whole day - and its also away..although I didnt even pray for the knee!!
How AMAZING the lord is...I almost cant blieve it!! ;)
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
(Hillsongs United - The Stand)
filled up with truth, wisdom and love
I dont have any idea what god is doing in me, with me and with my life at the moment.
But Im really able to relax!! And it feels sooo good!!
We had our "more of god-meeting" yesterday and first we did some worship and later we just prayed for kirchheim, germany, the people around us and for ourselves..I dont know what exactly it was I felt but it just felt like God opened my heart completely so that he could fill it with his truth, wisdom and love.
And it really feels like he did.
I felt so good after this meeting, just becos I knew that God was there. And I also felt so good today...we had SBK today and we just prayed and once more it just felt like God would be right here. do u know how good that feels???
hes just there when I sit in a boring business lesson. Hes here when I clean up my room, when Im listening to music, when I walk around, yeah, even when I sleep he holds his hand over me.
And today Ive been to Starbucks in stuttgart with a friend of mine and we had a pretty good time and it feels good to help people.
And Ive been obedient today...when I saw a man sitting on the corner of the street I just had the feeling I should go to him and ask him if he wants something to eat becos he had a sign which said "please give me money for something to eat"...when I walked past him the first time I "ignored" gods voice but when I walked back the street and he still sat there I went to him and asked him if he would want something to eat (I dont give those people money becos who knows what they do with it). He didnt understand me (or he pretended to..but I didnt believe him becos he didnt seem to be a foreigner) and so I just gave up after a view times. But I also felt that I shouldnt just give him money.
And it was good that I just did what God wanted becos it was simply a good experience for me..a training to be obedient ;)
I feel filled up by God. Even if I didnt do anything special - just becos hes there!
Im gonna go for a walk now becos I love it to walk around in the darkness and to share my thoughts with God.
But Im really able to relax!! And it feels sooo good!!
We had our "more of god-meeting" yesterday and first we did some worship and later we just prayed for kirchheim, germany, the people around us and for ourselves..I dont know what exactly it was I felt but it just felt like God opened my heart completely so that he could fill it with his truth, wisdom and love.
And it really feels like he did.
I felt so good after this meeting, just becos I knew that God was there. And I also felt so good today...we had SBK today and we just prayed and once more it just felt like God would be right here. do u know how good that feels???
hes just there when I sit in a boring business lesson. Hes here when I clean up my room, when Im listening to music, when I walk around, yeah, even when I sleep he holds his hand over me.
And today Ive been to Starbucks in stuttgart with a friend of mine and we had a pretty good time and it feels good to help people.
And Ive been obedient today...when I saw a man sitting on the corner of the street I just had the feeling I should go to him and ask him if he wants something to eat becos he had a sign which said "please give me money for something to eat"...when I walked past him the first time I "ignored" gods voice but when I walked back the street and he still sat there I went to him and asked him if he would want something to eat (I dont give those people money becos who knows what they do with it). He didnt understand me (or he pretended to..but I didnt believe him becos he didnt seem to be a foreigner) and so I just gave up after a view times. But I also felt that I shouldnt just give him money.
And it was good that I just did what God wanted becos it was simply a good experience for me..a training to be obedient ;)
I feel filled up by God. Even if I didnt do anything special - just becos hes there!
Im gonna go for a walk now becos I love it to walk around in the darkness and to share my thoughts with God.
Montag, 6. Oktober 2008
living life happy
yesterday I had a really wonderful day!!
we had a band rehearsal and it was lots of fun becos I never "played" in a band that included more than two guitars and two singers.
Its really amazing what u can make out of songs when u have a bit more than only guitar and voice.
and I also loved doing the worship in DOMINO becos it was very relaxed...we didnt really practice anything..but that was it in the end that made me kind of feeling good.
becos I hadnt got any pressure that it had to sound good.
I just stood there and sang and it felt like I would sing really out from my heart and I saw Jesus smilin about what we did. and so I needed to smile too.
It was a wonderful day with wonderful people and wonderful music. and I was happy.
Today I got back my business examination..dont need to say anything about it...it was so clear that I fail again, just like I always do in this subject...but u know what?? slowly I dont WANNA care about this any longer..becos I have enough from running after every fckn point I could get...thats so stupid...if thats my sense in life I should really really start to change something!
So after school I went to the Juca and it brightened my mood a bit..
And then Kaddi and me went to the Ikea.
and we had lots of fun walking through this big big center and I found a few great things for my room :)
so this day has been saved too through all the wonderful people I can call friends.
give thanks to the Lord, our God and King, his love endures FOREVER!!
lets see what tomorrow brings..Ive got only 6 hours school I guess thats bearable...
we had a band rehearsal and it was lots of fun becos I never "played" in a band that included more than two guitars and two singers.
Its really amazing what u can make out of songs when u have a bit more than only guitar and voice.
and I also loved doing the worship in DOMINO becos it was very relaxed...we didnt really practice anything..but that was it in the end that made me kind of feeling good.
becos I hadnt got any pressure that it had to sound good.
I just stood there and sang and it felt like I would sing really out from my heart and I saw Jesus smilin about what we did. and so I needed to smile too.
It was a wonderful day with wonderful people and wonderful music. and I was happy.
Today I got back my business examination..dont need to say anything about it...it was so clear that I fail again, just like I always do in this subject...but u know what?? slowly I dont WANNA care about this any longer..becos I have enough from running after every fckn point I could get...thats so stupid...if thats my sense in life I should really really start to change something!
So after school I went to the Juca and it brightened my mood a bit..
And then Kaddi and me went to the Ikea.
and we had lots of fun walking through this big big center and I found a few great things for my room :)
so this day has been saved too through all the wonderful people I can call friends.
give thanks to the Lord, our God and King, his love endures FOREVER!!
lets see what tomorrow brings..Ive got only 6 hours school I guess thats bearable...
Sonntag, 5. Oktober 2008
almighty
My heart feels like its within a storm
but you calm it with your words
In you I rest and find my peace
you give me strength and I feel alive
you are almighty,
you are holy
you are the god that sees me through
I walk through the darkness
bus I see a light shine
Jesus its you Im running to
through every fight you will be my guide
you lead me step by step
no matter what comes through my way
you are God and you are always good
you are so holy, so holy
you are holy you are God
I lift your name up, your name up
lift your name up my Lord
youre almighty, so almighty
you are almighty, you are God
I lift your name high, so high
I lift you name high you are God
but you calm it with your words
In you I rest and find my peace
you give me strength and I feel alive
you are almighty,
you are holy
you are the god that sees me through
I walk through the darkness
bus I see a light shine
Jesus its you Im running to
through every fight you will be my guide
you lead me step by step
no matter what comes through my way
you are God and you are always good
you are so holy, so holy
you are holy you are God
I lift your name up, your name up
lift your name up my Lord
youre almighty, so almighty
you are almighty, you are God
I lift your name high, so high
I lift you name high you are God
Samstag, 4. Oktober 2008
missing u..
how should I gon on when Im still in love with u??
cause if one day you wake up
and find that you´re missing me
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be
what if I woke up and found that Im missing u???
what if I absolutely have no clue what to do??
what if I want but I cant??
what if I would like to on the one hand but I dont want on the other?
what if my heart loves being free and doing what I want to
but my heart also loves u??
what if I dont know what I want?
what if I cant make this decision??
cause if one day you wake up
and find that you´re missing me
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be
what if I woke up and found that Im missing u???
what if I absolutely have no clue what to do??
what if I want but I cant??
what if I would like to on the one hand but I dont want on the other?
what if my heart loves being free and doing what I want to
but my heart also loves u??
what if I dont know what I want?
what if I cant make this decision??
Freitag, 3. Oktober 2008
Im not alone
Theres a reason, theres a rhyme
theres a season a mark in time
show me the answer lay down your cards
read the future from the stars
Ive had
hard times trying to brake me down
hard times over again
hard times trying to get me down
I will survive, Ill survive because of your love
I hear the demons, I search for God
I spit the fire a glimpse in the dark
my mind is weak, my heart is strong
you try to shake me Im not standing alone
Im not on my own.
yeah there were hard times in my life..and they tried to brake me down..but u know what?
Im still alive..and I survived them because I wasnt alone..
because I had some people by my side who have been on my side and who helped me.
But I also had GOD on my side. and he brought me through everything!!
yeah Im not alone!
theres a season a mark in time
show me the answer lay down your cards
read the future from the stars
Ive had
hard times trying to brake me down
hard times over again
hard times trying to get me down
I will survive, Ill survive because of your love
I hear the demons, I search for God
I spit the fire a glimpse in the dark
my mind is weak, my heart is strong
you try to shake me Im not standing alone
Im not on my own.
yeah there were hard times in my life..and they tried to brake me down..but u know what?
Im still alive..and I survived them because I wasnt alone..
because I had some people by my side who have been on my side and who helped me.
But I also had GOD on my side. and he brought me through everything!!
yeah Im not alone!
I give everything for u!
Im really surprised.
I had a really good conversation with a girl from my youth group.
And I really liked what I heard and what she said about her relationship to God.
It really made me happy to hear that she wants to go on and go deeper into the relationship with God. awesome, thank u Jesus!!
Im so thankful that God gives me some great people to talk about him and other stuff.
Its so important to talk and its so important to have companionship.
I so love to see people growing in their identity and I also love seeing how I grow step by step.
I love to see Gods changes and his work in people.
and I wanna go on and on and I dont wanna stop growing..
I dont wanna look back becos it just enchains me...its here and now, its today, and its a new day, a day HE made. and I can use it to live for HIM.
you gave everything for me - now I give everything for you!! Here I am, living for your glory!!
I had a really good conversation with a girl from my youth group.
And I really liked what I heard and what she said about her relationship to God.
It really made me happy to hear that she wants to go on and go deeper into the relationship with God. awesome, thank u Jesus!!
Im so thankful that God gives me some great people to talk about him and other stuff.
Its so important to talk and its so important to have companionship.
I so love to see people growing in their identity and I also love seeing how I grow step by step.
I love to see Gods changes and his work in people.
and I wanna go on and on and I dont wanna stop growing..
I dont wanna look back becos it just enchains me...its here and now, its today, and its a new day, a day HE made. and I can use it to live for HIM.
you gave everything for me - now I give everything for you!! Here I am, living for your glory!!
Mittwoch, 1. Oktober 2008
england..
somehow it just seems like EVERYONE is going to go to england..
everyone but me.
and somehow it feels strange to read it because the only thing I wish at the moment is that I could go too...
and somehow it really pisses me off...
Like I already said I have a really good time here and stuff but..
why cant I just leave and experience some new stuff..I would so love to..
everyone but me.
and somehow it feels strange to read it because the only thing I wish at the moment is that I could go too...
and somehow it really pisses me off...
Like I already said I have a really good time here and stuff but..
why cant I just leave and experience some new stuff..I would so love to..
Im alive!!
its so good to feel free.
and its even better to feel alive!
after this examination today a load of sorrow fell from my heart..
sometimes i think im way too scared about such things and i destroy my own life through it.
but i dont wanna think about it any longer..Im free now and it feels sooo good!
just went for a walk the last hour and it was so wonderful to walk through the fields and to know that god is here and that I have to fear nothing...
the sun was shining warm on my face and the wind blew through my hair.
had some good music with me..but sometimes I wonder why those songs make me feel in a special way..I know that I listened to them at special times and they remind me about something but I just dont know what..
but Im just glad to have a lil bit freetime now..well okay, now some classmates are coming and we have to write some abstracts for our essay but I guess its gonna be fun somehow..
thank Jesus...he makes my whole life worth living!!
and its even better to feel alive!
after this examination today a load of sorrow fell from my heart..
sometimes i think im way too scared about such things and i destroy my own life through it.
but i dont wanna think about it any longer..Im free now and it feels sooo good!
just went for a walk the last hour and it was so wonderful to walk through the fields and to know that god is here and that I have to fear nothing...
the sun was shining warm on my face and the wind blew through my hair.
had some good music with me..but sometimes I wonder why those songs make me feel in a special way..I know that I listened to them at special times and they remind me about something but I just dont know what..
but Im just glad to have a lil bit freetime now..well okay, now some classmates are coming and we have to write some abstracts for our essay but I guess its gonna be fun somehow..
thank Jesus...he makes my whole life worth living!!
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