I totally enjoy being here at the moment!!
I hang out a lot with some amazing people, we have good evenings, good conversations, nice barbecuing and sometimes alcohol :D
No, to be honest, I totally enjoy it because I love being around people who are honest, funny, loving and good to talk to...And I realize more and more that this is something I really appreciate about this place here!
And I think thats exactly what I should do...enojy it here until Im leaving, so that I know that I used the time here good..
Its really going on at the moment, yesterday I said goodbye to loads of things that arent good for me..I decided to give away books and CDs I read and listened to a few years ago..its music with lyrics that arent okay..they are about violence, against God, for the Devil and so on...
Its not like I would have listened to all that stuff in the last year, its just that I still had loooaaads of this music on my computer... - I deleted EVERYTHING! It was kinda hard cos there were some bands I really liked, even two of my former favourite bands...But its away and I have no chance to get it back (well, I could buy all the CDs but I dont think I would do that^^)!
And I felt good afterwards! Amazingly free..and I know that God just wanted me to do that esterday...cos I felt a big contestation from the devil in my life and Im sure it has/had to do with my past because he exactly knows how he can get me...but there is no space for him, I wont give him space in my heart..he can do nothing cos I belong to Jesus.
God is also showing me his big big love again and again..and I think I still do not understand everything about it yet..but its so good to just let him speak the truth into my heart..I do not have to DO anything, I just have to BE! And this is soo incredible!!
So, even when Im not doing a bible school or something like that at the moment I can learn a looot!! Cos God is everywhere and he is always always good!! He is King..the ONLY King!!
Montag, 25. Mai 2009
Freitag, 15. Mai 2009
leaving so soon...
sometimes (not very often) there are these days where I actually feel good about being in germany.
Amazing people around me. some nice paths to walk when I want some calmness around me. Everything I got used to in the many years I lived here. Fun, joy, happiness.
Those are the days I think I dont wanna leave. Where Im almost a bit scared to leave..away from everything and everyone I know? Alone? Without ANYBODY I know?
I know that the time is here to leave germany..I feel it and I know its good and soo important for me to get away for a while..get some inner healing, get to know the world, grow in my identity through being alone and bein forced to open up myself to get to know new people.
Yeah, just experiencing new stuff...
But as Im a person who always thinks shes missing something when shes not around here its pretty hard for me to leave everything I know and everything that is to come...Things I know will happen in the future but..I wont be there...and they will nevertheless happen...thats something that is very hard for me to take.
Some people might not understand this but thats just the way it is..and I think thats something I gotta learn while Im away...I cant be in 2 places at the same time..even if I try as hard as I can..its not possible.
So...its good to get away..but it also scares me...cos sometimes you do not know what you have and love till you leave...and...I dont wanna come back and see you are taken...
Amazing people around me. some nice paths to walk when I want some calmness around me. Everything I got used to in the many years I lived here. Fun, joy, happiness.
Those are the days I think I dont wanna leave. Where Im almost a bit scared to leave..away from everything and everyone I know? Alone? Without ANYBODY I know?
I know that the time is here to leave germany..I feel it and I know its good and soo important for me to get away for a while..get some inner healing, get to know the world, grow in my identity through being alone and bein forced to open up myself to get to know new people.
Yeah, just experiencing new stuff...
But as Im a person who always thinks shes missing something when shes not around here its pretty hard for me to leave everything I know and everything that is to come...Things I know will happen in the future but..I wont be there...and they will nevertheless happen...thats something that is very hard for me to take.
Some people might not understand this but thats just the way it is..and I think thats something I gotta learn while Im away...I cant be in 2 places at the same time..even if I try as hard as I can..its not possible.
So...its good to get away..but it also scares me...cos sometimes you do not know what you have and love till you leave...and...
Mittwoch, 6. Mai 2009
life..
sometimes I just cant believe how the time is running!
It feels like the year just started and now its may again...and it starts getting more and more interesting..when everything works out like I want it to Im gonna leave germany in a bit more that 3 months...which feels weird.
And Im gonna go to england..but..thats not everything. I think Ill really apply for the SOM in Toronto.
I never thought I would do that but sometimes Gods ways are different than we think.
Not much changed at all..Im still doing my job - delivering letters. I somehow hate it..and on the other hand its actually not that bad..I cant actually describe how I feel about it, its weird.
But that doesnt matter because I get some money for it and thats exactly what I need..
But sometimes Im still scared..that I dont have enough of it..
The things I wanna do, or better said the journeys to the other countries arent cheap...they are soo expensive..the only thing I can do is praying that God sends me a miracle or something...
So..actually thats all I gotta say..I dont know anything to tell..
It feels like the year just started and now its may again...and it starts getting more and more interesting..when everything works out like I want it to Im gonna leave germany in a bit more that 3 months...which feels weird.
And Im gonna go to england..but..thats not everything. I think Ill really apply for the SOM in Toronto.
I never thought I would do that but sometimes Gods ways are different than we think.
Not much changed at all..Im still doing my job - delivering letters. I somehow hate it..and on the other hand its actually not that bad..I cant actually describe how I feel about it, its weird.
But that doesnt matter because I get some money for it and thats exactly what I need..
But sometimes Im still scared..that I dont have enough of it..
The things I wanna do, or better said the journeys to the other countries arent cheap...they are soo expensive..the only thing I can do is praying that God sends me a miracle or something...
So..actually thats all I gotta say..I dont know anything to tell..
Mittwoch, 22. April 2009
thoughts
Ive just been thinking about soo many things the last time..and I dont know how to get wisdom to answer all the questions I have..
I wondered if Im the only one whos always thinkin and thinkin...and if thats the case I wonder how everyone else can live without thinking, without asking those questions..
for example one thing: what is my way? where is my place in this world? what will I do?
Right now I cant make a decision to chose a job I wanna do the next 10/20/30 years in my life...thats just a too big decision..On the other side I have to decide that sooner or later..
But first of all I actually wanna knnow what Im gonna do the next 12 months, that would be a good beginning..I made some decisions, one of them is that I will definitely leave germany. I definitely wanna go to england, but I dont know if it works out..england fells like the only place I wanna be at the moment..
the last few days I felt SO done with germany..I felt so wrong here and I just wished to get into a plane and to fly somewhere far away (or maybe not even that far..)..
Sometimes I like that feeling of total unsurance..it means that I dont know what comes next and that I have to trust God in every part of my life..and sometimes thats really okay because I KNOW that God has only the best for me..but sometimes its hard..cosyou cant tell where you are in 5 months..I cant tell you where Im gonna be, what Im gonna do and what is to come afterwards..I cant tell you anything at all and sometimes that scares me..why??
Because Im german and I learned to have secureness. I always knew how it felt to have a house to live in, without thinking about how to pay it..I knew how it feels to always have at least ONE person I can talk to when I felt bad (that doesnt mean I always did it but I had the possibility), I knew how it is to have one time at the day where I am doing what I always do and what I have to do (for example school), I always knew what comes next because it was always the same. I always knew where to go when Ive been ill, theres a doctor for everything around here..
I dont know where Im gonna live in england and particularly I dont know how to pay it, I dont know what Im gonna do everyday...I wont know where to go when Im ill cos I have NO idea what is where..Ill have to find some new people cos all my friends will still be my friends but they wont be around me..
I wont go to a school everyday and thats how it goes..and even now I feel out of secureness...okay I got a job I do 2 days a week and Ive got an internship..but it all not the same..I dont have a plan for the future and I dont know what Im gonna do..
I dont wanna say its a bad situation..its just frightening sometimes..thats all..and so Im thinking a lot about what is to come but I dont come to any end because right now there easily isnt a solution.
One more thing I realized is, that the next time I decide to have a relationship I want it to be forever.
And I know that many people say that, but I really mean it..why?
Because its way too painful to lose people you love...especially to lose the partner you once thought you´d spend your whole life with...I dont want that anymore..
that might sound weird, I know..but isnt it sad that, when youve been together for some time that you cant even talk anymore when you break up? thats rediculous...yes, it is!
I figured out that there is one thing that is getting more and more important for me. It is to learn from people..from people who are older, who have wisdom, who have experiences.
For me there is nothing that is more amazing than spending time with people, talking about life, about God, about what happened and what is to come.
It is sooo good to talk to wise people, and also to get challenged from them.
I realized I can learn SO much from them. And I think that will be one big part of my next year..just learning from people..that might sound boring or stupid in your ears but you know what? for me it is important..its such an important thing in life that we can have relationship to other generations. Seriously!! When I was younger I always thought "why should I spend time with people who could be my parents?"..now I think its important becuse they can be something like spiritual parents..I can learn those things from them I didnt learn in my non-christian family..I never had the possibility to ask my parents about anything that belongs to Jesus, to the bible or to the holy spirit..because they dont care about it.
And I dont know much, but one thing I know for sure:
There is only ONE foundation, ONE creator, ONE saviour, ONE king, ONE perfect father, ONE true friend, ONE who knows it all, ONE who has the right way, ONE hope, ONE who is perfect, ONE who is always there and only ONE who saved me.
I would rather lose every secureness in this world but standing there without God. Because without him Im REALLY lost. With him there is always something to hope for.
Something to look foreward to. Something I can be sure about: his great and big love that NEVER EVER ends.
Why am I telling you this??
I actually dont know..maybe because I want you to know my thoughts..maybe because I think it could touch you..maybe because I wanna share what I know...read it, say something or stay calm, whatever you do - have a nice day ;)
I wondered if Im the only one whos always thinkin and thinkin...and if thats the case I wonder how everyone else can live without thinking, without asking those questions..
for example one thing: what is my way? where is my place in this world? what will I do?
Right now I cant make a decision to chose a job I wanna do the next 10/20/30 years in my life...thats just a too big decision..On the other side I have to decide that sooner or later..
But first of all I actually wanna knnow what Im gonna do the next 12 months, that would be a good beginning..I made some decisions, one of them is that I will definitely leave germany. I definitely wanna go to england, but I dont know if it works out..england fells like the only place I wanna be at the moment..
the last few days I felt SO done with germany..I felt so wrong here and I just wished to get into a plane and to fly somewhere far away (or maybe not even that far..)..
Sometimes I like that feeling of total unsurance..it means that I dont know what comes next and that I have to trust God in every part of my life..and sometimes thats really okay because I KNOW that God has only the best for me..but sometimes its hard..cosyou cant tell where you are in 5 months..I cant tell you where Im gonna be, what Im gonna do and what is to come afterwards..I cant tell you anything at all and sometimes that scares me..why??
Because Im german and I learned to have secureness. I always knew how it felt to have a house to live in, without thinking about how to pay it..I knew how it feels to always have at least ONE person I can talk to when I felt bad (that doesnt mean I always did it but I had the possibility), I knew how it is to have one time at the day where I am doing what I always do and what I have to do (for example school), I always knew what comes next because it was always the same. I always knew where to go when Ive been ill, theres a doctor for everything around here..
I dont know where Im gonna live in england and particularly I dont know how to pay it, I dont know what Im gonna do everyday...I wont know where to go when Im ill cos I have NO idea what is where..Ill have to find some new people cos all my friends will still be my friends but they wont be around me..
I wont go to a school everyday and thats how it goes..and even now I feel out of secureness...okay I got a job I do 2 days a week and Ive got an internship..but it all not the same..I dont have a plan for the future and I dont know what Im gonna do..
I dont wanna say its a bad situation..its just frightening sometimes..thats all..and so Im thinking a lot about what is to come but I dont come to any end because right now there easily isnt a solution.
One more thing I realized is, that the next time I decide to have a relationship I want it to be forever.
And I know that many people say that, but I really mean it..why?
Because its way too painful to lose people you love...especially to lose the partner you once thought you´d spend your whole life with...I dont want that anymore..
that might sound weird, I know..but isnt it sad that, when youve been together for some time that you cant even talk anymore when you break up? thats rediculous...yes, it is!
I figured out that there is one thing that is getting more and more important for me. It is to learn from people..from people who are older, who have wisdom, who have experiences.
For me there is nothing that is more amazing than spending time with people, talking about life, about God, about what happened and what is to come.
It is sooo good to talk to wise people, and also to get challenged from them.
I realized I can learn SO much from them. And I think that will be one big part of my next year..just learning from people..that might sound boring or stupid in your ears but you know what? for me it is important..its such an important thing in life that we can have relationship to other generations. Seriously!! When I was younger I always thought "why should I spend time with people who could be my parents?"..now I think its important becuse they can be something like spiritual parents..I can learn those things from them I didnt learn in my non-christian family..I never had the possibility to ask my parents about anything that belongs to Jesus, to the bible or to the holy spirit..because they dont care about it.
And I dont know much, but one thing I know for sure:
There is only ONE foundation, ONE creator, ONE saviour, ONE king, ONE perfect father, ONE true friend, ONE who knows it all, ONE who has the right way, ONE hope, ONE who is perfect, ONE who is always there and only ONE who saved me.
I would rather lose every secureness in this world but standing there without God. Because without him Im REALLY lost. With him there is always something to hope for.
Something to look foreward to. Something I can be sure about: his great and big love that NEVER EVER ends.
Why am I telling you this??
I actually dont know..maybe because I want you to know my thoughts..maybe because I think it could touch you..maybe because I wanna share what I know...read it, say something or stay calm, whatever you do - have a nice day ;)
Montag, 13. April 2009
easter and stuff
so, this is easter...
What can i say? Im more and more amazed of how God is and what he did for me about 2000 years ago...I know, its the same every year again, but it seems like every year Id realize it again and again..and every year again I cant believe it! I cant understand that he gave so much for me..that he gave everything so that I can be free and saved..WOW!!
sometimes when I talk to some people I get sad, because they just cant understand what I think about it..they cant understand the truth..the truth that they are free and saved if they only believe in him...
Its sad to see people you love ruin their lives because they cant see the truth..but Im gonna keep praying for them..
But my easter-days were actually pretty nice!! spend some time with my family and some time with friends and I had lots of fun..well the best friend was missing..but Im soo lookin foreward to summer...
Im trying to figure out what my way is, where god wants me to go..thats quite interesting, because theres nothing thats sure by now..
There are only a few things I know..: I need some time for me and God...to grow, to get deeper into this relationship, to learn more about myself, my life and where its gonna lead me..
And I need people I can learn from..People I know they got wisdom and they know a lot of Gods kingdom and that can show me the things they know and that challenge me..
I realize that Im really searching for people at the moment..people who are older than I am and who can tell me about their lives..because its so interesting and also important to learn from them..I guess thats also a way to get some wisdom..life-experiences..
And I love those times where I can just listen to those people or talk to them..
And I hope that I can be somebody someday who is such a person for the younger generation..someone they love to talk to, someone they just love to drink coffee with and to listen to them.
And I also really wanna be somebody as they prophecied over me..somebody the older people love to hang out with because they can also learn something from me..I actually often dont see what older people could learn from me, but I think has his own ways!!
And what Im still longing to be is somebody who is a real love-giver..pure love-giver!! I often realize that there are some people that are really hard to love..and even if its just because some things that happened in the past..there are some people..I still havent forgave them eventhough I prayed about it about 20 times.. I just wanna let work god through it because one thing I know: I cant do it by myself..I cant change myself..thats Gods part!
Im excited what comes..Im gonna meet some great people the next few days..to hang out, to drink coffee with them, to talk to them..and thats amazing!! And from wednesday to sunday Im gonna be at the leiterkurs..guess thats gonna be cool...I hope to have some good conversations there..and also Im gonna be at the soul-devotion counselor-weekend on friday and saturday! And thats the thing Im excited and scared of the most..because Im sure there will be many things God will bring up..I already feel that..and its good when God brings up stuff from the past..thats why Im excited..but its also really painful sometimes and thats why Im scared..
But he would never do things that are too much for me, so Im gonna trust in him that its gonna be really good!! And I know Im gonna have some amazing times this week..also because of the people Im gonna meet!
Well yeah..Im excited what will happen..Holy spirit, take control!! Take control over my life, my mind and my feelings..God come and let your strength rise in me so that I can become more like you are..Come and let your glory fall on me..Holy spirit DANCE!!
What can i say? Im more and more amazed of how God is and what he did for me about 2000 years ago...I know, its the same every year again, but it seems like every year Id realize it again and again..and every year again I cant believe it! I cant understand that he gave so much for me..that he gave everything so that I can be free and saved..WOW!!
sometimes when I talk to some people I get sad, because they just cant understand what I think about it..they cant understand the truth..the truth that they are free and saved if they only believe in him...
Its sad to see people you love ruin their lives because they cant see the truth..but Im gonna keep praying for them..
But my easter-days were actually pretty nice!! spend some time with my family and some time with friends and I had lots of fun..well the best friend was missing..but Im soo lookin foreward to summer...
Im trying to figure out what my way is, where god wants me to go..thats quite interesting, because theres nothing thats sure by now..
There are only a few things I know..: I need some time for me and God...to grow, to get deeper into this relationship, to learn more about myself, my life and where its gonna lead me..
And I need people I can learn from..People I know they got wisdom and they know a lot of Gods kingdom and that can show me the things they know and that challenge me..
I realize that Im really searching for people at the moment..people who are older than I am and who can tell me about their lives..because its so interesting and also important to learn from them..I guess thats also a way to get some wisdom..life-experiences..
And I love those times where I can just listen to those people or talk to them..
And I hope that I can be somebody someday who is such a person for the younger generation..someone they love to talk to, someone they just love to drink coffee with and to listen to them.
And I also really wanna be somebody as they prophecied over me..somebody the older people love to hang out with because they can also learn something from me..I actually often dont see what older people could learn from me, but I think has his own ways!!
And what Im still longing to be is somebody who is a real love-giver..pure love-giver!! I often realize that there are some people that are really hard to love..and even if its just because some things that happened in the past..there are some people..I still havent forgave them eventhough I prayed about it about 20 times.. I just wanna let work god through it because one thing I know: I cant do it by myself..I cant change myself..thats Gods part!
Im excited what comes..Im gonna meet some great people the next few days..to hang out, to drink coffee with them, to talk to them..and thats amazing!! And from wednesday to sunday Im gonna be at the leiterkurs..guess thats gonna be cool...I hope to have some good conversations there..and also Im gonna be at the soul-devotion counselor-weekend on friday and saturday! And thats the thing Im excited and scared of the most..because Im sure there will be many things God will bring up..I already feel that..and its good when God brings up stuff from the past..thats why Im excited..but its also really painful sometimes and thats why Im scared..
But he would never do things that are too much for me, so Im gonna trust in him that its gonna be really good!! And I know Im gonna have some amazing times this week..also because of the people Im gonna meet!
Well yeah..Im excited what will happen..Holy spirit, take control!! Take control over my life, my mind and my feelings..God come and let your strength rise in me so that I can become more like you are..Come and let your glory fall on me..Holy spirit DANCE!!
Samstag, 4. April 2009
back "home"
so here I am..back home again...how does it feel? not like home..!
Strange..its always that way when I come back from england..what does that mean?? I do not even understand myself..
The time in manchester was amazing...challenging in every way, sometimes kind of hard, sometimes pretty encouraging..I got a prophecy that Im gonna leave germany soon...well..what else do I wanna hear? wasnt I just wondering what will happen the next time? And here I find myself again with nothing but one desire in my heart: could I please leave right now? could I just pack my bags again and take the next flight (back) to england?
why do I always feel like its breaking my heart when I leave this country..I sat at the airport, alone, and I felt like somebody would rip me my heart out..I must have looked like the dumpest fool ever...
so I just unpacked my bags and now I even feel worse..I know that there are lots of things for me to do here in germany..but...do I really want that? The only thing I want is to get away from here and to learn something for myself..just me and god..so that he can really work in me without me doing always stuff for everybody around me but myself..
this is soo exhausting...really, my problem is NOT that I dont wanna help people, my problem is that I first have to take some time out for myself to get healed and THEN Im ready to safe the world (kind of ;)
well..now Im trying to get some sleep or something like that...its actually too late anyway...2 am..but well..Im still living in the british time and there its only 1 am..:D
Strange..its always that way when I come back from england..what does that mean?? I do not even understand myself..
The time in manchester was amazing...challenging in every way, sometimes kind of hard, sometimes pretty encouraging..I got a prophecy that Im gonna leave germany soon...well..what else do I wanna hear? wasnt I just wondering what will happen the next time? And here I find myself again with nothing but one desire in my heart: could I please leave right now? could I just pack my bags again and take the next flight (back) to england?
why do I always feel like its breaking my heart when I leave this country..I sat at the airport, alone, and I felt like somebody would rip me my heart out..I must have looked like the dumpest fool ever...
so I just unpacked my bags and now I even feel worse..I know that there are lots of things for me to do here in germany..but...do I really want that? The only thing I want is to get away from here and to learn something for myself..just me and god..so that he can really work in me without me doing always stuff for everybody around me but myself..
this is soo exhausting...really, my problem is NOT that I dont wanna help people, my problem is that I first have to take some time out for myself to get healed and THEN Im ready to safe the world (kind of ;)
well..now Im trying to get some sleep or something like that...its actually too late anyway...2 am..but well..Im still living in the british time and there its only 1 am..:D
Donnerstag, 26. März 2009
Manchester, here I come
today is the day!! Im gonna fly to manchester in 3 and a half hours and Im gonna see Kaddi there!! Yeeeaah Im soo lookin foreward to this week, were gonna have such a good time!!
Im sure that God will do a lot...and I actually dont have that much to write at the moment, the only thing I know is that Im excited and curious about this upcoming week..!! :)
I wish everyone of you an awesome week - whatever you do and wherever you are!!
Be open!! God will work in you if you only allow him to!!
Im sure that God will do a lot...and I actually dont have that much to write at the moment, the only thing I know is that Im excited and curious about this upcoming week..!! :)
I wish everyone of you an awesome week - whatever you do and wherever you are!!
Be open!! God will work in you if you only allow him to!!
Sonntag, 22. März 2009
its worth it all
One more time in my life I have to realize that things NEVER go like you expect them to..
Okay alright, I gotta admit that I somehow expected that it wont turn out to be like I wished it to...
somehow I just felt deep inside of me that it wont be that easy..
But somehow it just feels weird to notice that you have to change your dream a bit..
So one more time in this life I am allowed to go into this life-school with god again..and I think not it becomes even more exciting than ever before..because now I really gotta trust him, I need to hear what hes gotta say, what he wants me to do and where he wants me to go.
I have no idea about it right now..but Im sure hes gonna tell me when he thinks the time has come..
I have to say that its okay right now..I think God wants me learn that I cant always plan everything Im going to do...HE has it in his hands anyway...and he has only the best for me..so lets see..
And you know what? somehow it feels just good to be alive.
Im soo glad to get to manchester in 4 days I cant wait!! Because Im gonna have an awesome time there! And Im sure god will even change me there..because hes changing me every and every day I allow him to.
Now Im gonna go to a konfi-service and afterwards we´re gonna drive to the jesus treff to hear mal calledine..Im excited because he REALLY has something to tell..
I love this life..eventhough sometimes its not easy...but its worth it all..!!
Every single minute is worth it all!!
Okay alright, I gotta admit that I somehow expected that it wont turn out to be like I wished it to...
somehow I just felt deep inside of me that it wont be that easy..
But somehow it just feels weird to notice that you have to change your dream a bit..
So one more time in this life I am allowed to go into this life-school with god again..and I think not it becomes even more exciting than ever before..because now I really gotta trust him, I need to hear what hes gotta say, what he wants me to do and where he wants me to go.
I have no idea about it right now..but Im sure hes gonna tell me when he thinks the time has come..
I have to say that its okay right now..I think God wants me learn that I cant always plan everything Im going to do...HE has it in his hands anyway...and he has only the best for me..so lets see..
And you know what? somehow it feels just good to be alive.
Im soo glad to get to manchester in 4 days I cant wait!! Because Im gonna have an awesome time there! And Im sure god will even change me there..because hes changing me every and every day I allow him to.
Now Im gonna go to a konfi-service and afterwards we´re gonna drive to the jesus treff to hear mal calledine..Im excited because he REALLY has something to tell..
I love this life..eventhough sometimes its not easy...but its worth it all..!!
Every single minute is worth it all!!
Mittwoch, 11. März 2009
being thankful in every circumstance
well I actually should be in bed since about one hour but somehow I just do not feel like sleepin would be what I need right now..I would rather love to have some soaking time, which Im probably going to have after this post here..when I fall asleep while soaking its not that bad..;)
Just realized that its been a while since I wrote something here so I decided to change that fact.
The last two weeks havent been that cool..I mean it was okay...but as I had a contusion in my knee I had to stay at home the whole last week which was pretty boring..
And do you know that, when you are only stayin in bed all the time becos you cant move you get veeeery lazy??
Oh dear, Ive been sooo lazy!! Every little action seemed to be too much...and you know what comes after lazyness? Demotivation..you have NO joy about ANYTHING.
I wasnt even motivated to go on with my intern eventhough its actually great fun.
Well this time is almost over and Im soo glad about it.
Jesus is showing me some new ways to have good times..Today I had some teaching in music..well actually I understood all this theoretical music stuff the first time in my life! And I had fun to sit at home for another hour just to figure out where on my guitar which tone is..isnt that crazy? But I like it..I like to improve my features because thats something useful..
I had some cool times the last few weeks though..
Theres a girl Im hangin out a lot with..shes cool and I like spending time with her because I think shes real and I feel that there´s jesus inside of her..its so good to share time with such people..
We watched some good films, had worship times and just talked..yes that was cool!
And something else I did was reading, I read the book wild at heart, which is very interesting if you wanna understand why men are how they are :D
Somehow Jesus is working inside of me and I do not even realize it..
Let me say it like this:
Im not going through the easiest time of my life..I havent got a job, I have no idea if the school I wanna do in england is even existing this year, I do not know what Im gonna do or where Im gonna be in 5 years...
The very only thing I know is that God is with me...everywhere, everytime and whatever I do..
And I know that there are ppl who support me..
maybe not financial but as I figured out theres something thats more worth than money: and that is relationship and love.
How good it feels to know that there are people standing behind me who hold me, who believe in me, who make me stand strong and who give me their hands to help me to stand up again after falling...
How good to know that there are places where I can go and where I KNOW that there will be people who support me.
I just wanna write it down here that Im so thankful that God gave me those people.
I know I shouldnt rely on relationships with people because people arent perfect and people hurt each other..but thats not what Im talkin about..Im talkin about that ONE foundation I can rely on, that one foundation that always stands strong! And that one foundation, this wonderful and glorious God and Daddy in heaven gave me some people who strenghten me on my way! And yes, maybe they hurt me sometimes, but when I KNOW that and when I only trust in God whos NEVER hurting me I can just be thankful..
And I really wanna learn to be thankful in every circumstance of my life! Thankful for everything I have..because I have so much!!
I have everything I need..I have God, I have friends and I have a family which I love so much!!
Just realized that its been a while since I wrote something here so I decided to change that fact.
The last two weeks havent been that cool..I mean it was okay...but as I had a contusion in my knee I had to stay at home the whole last week which was pretty boring..
And do you know that, when you are only stayin in bed all the time becos you cant move you get veeeery lazy??
Oh dear, Ive been sooo lazy!! Every little action seemed to be too much...and you know what comes after lazyness? Demotivation..you have NO joy about ANYTHING.
I wasnt even motivated to go on with my intern eventhough its actually great fun.
Well this time is almost over and Im soo glad about it.
Jesus is showing me some new ways to have good times..Today I had some teaching in music..well actually I understood all this theoretical music stuff the first time in my life! And I had fun to sit at home for another hour just to figure out where on my guitar which tone is..isnt that crazy? But I like it..I like to improve my features because thats something useful..
I had some cool times the last few weeks though..
Theres a girl Im hangin out a lot with..shes cool and I like spending time with her because I think shes real and I feel that there´s jesus inside of her..its so good to share time with such people..
We watched some good films, had worship times and just talked..yes that was cool!
And something else I did was reading, I read the book wild at heart, which is very interesting if you wanna understand why men are how they are :D
Somehow Jesus is working inside of me and I do not even realize it..
Let me say it like this:
Im not going through the easiest time of my life..I havent got a job, I have no idea if the school I wanna do in england is even existing this year, I do not know what Im gonna do or where Im gonna be in 5 years...
The very only thing I know is that God is with me...everywhere, everytime and whatever I do..
And I know that there are ppl who support me..
maybe not financial but as I figured out theres something thats more worth than money: and that is relationship and love.
How good it feels to know that there are people standing behind me who hold me, who believe in me, who make me stand strong and who give me their hands to help me to stand up again after falling...
How good to know that there are places where I can go and where I KNOW that there will be people who support me.
I just wanna write it down here that Im so thankful that God gave me those people.
I know I shouldnt rely on relationships with people because people arent perfect and people hurt each other..but thats not what Im talkin about..Im talkin about that ONE foundation I can rely on, that one foundation that always stands strong! And that one foundation, this wonderful and glorious God and Daddy in heaven gave me some people who strenghten me on my way! And yes, maybe they hurt me sometimes, but when I KNOW that and when I only trust in God whos NEVER hurting me I can just be thankful..
And I really wanna learn to be thankful in every circumstance of my life! Thankful for everything I have..because I have so much!!
I have everything I need..I have God, I have friends and I have a family which I love so much!!
Mittwoch, 25. Februar 2009
this is the life
Actually Im pretty happy with my life at the moment!!
The sun is shining again, I know that spring is coming soon (it cant be long until spring is there), Ive got a cool internship and I hope Im gonna go to england in august...AND Im gonna visit kaddi in manchester soon! everythings cool!
only ONE thing bothers me...I still need a job! I need something to earn money...I NEED MONEY for england..and I have NO CLUE where I should get it from because EVERYWHERE Im trying to get a job they dont need anyone...feels like Ive asked EVERYWHERE..the only thing I could maye do is work in the cafeteria in...yeah..guess where?? In my old school...and thats the most horrible thing I could imagine...I would rather clean every flippin house in kirchheim than doing that..
I really need that money but thats something like soul-torture...
well lets just see what happens..I just hope that god will give me a job or that money falls from heaven or what do I know...:/
its definitely a difficult thing..
but still Im thankful that god changed me sooo much! Im on a good way, I know it..
And its getting better every day..and I realize that here are some people I can really have fun with! Some people I can trust..some people who care..and thats good to know when the best friend is over the sea ;)
And still I love her and I know shes the best friend i can have..no distance can keep us apart and nothing could seperate our hearts...now that I got that, and understand it. not just in my head but also in my heart, its alright!! Im lookin foreward to our time in manchester, it will be amazing!!
The sun is shining again, I know that spring is coming soon (it cant be long until spring is there), Ive got a cool internship and I hope Im gonna go to england in august...AND Im gonna visit kaddi in manchester soon! everythings cool!
only ONE thing bothers me...I still need a job! I need something to earn money...I NEED MONEY for england..and I have NO CLUE where I should get it from because EVERYWHERE Im trying to get a job they dont need anyone...feels like Ive asked EVERYWHERE..the only thing I could maye do is work in the cafeteria in...yeah..guess where?? In my old school...and thats the most horrible thing I could imagine...I would rather clean every flippin house in kirchheim than doing that..
I really need that money but thats something like soul-torture...
well lets just see what happens..I just hope that god will give me a job or that money falls from heaven or what do I know...:/
its definitely a difficult thing..
but still Im thankful that god changed me sooo much! Im on a good way, I know it..
And its getting better every day..and I realize that here are some people I can really have fun with! Some people I can trust..some people who care..and thats good to know when the best friend is over the sea ;)
And still I love her and I know shes the best friend i can have..no distance can keep us apart and nothing could seperate our hearts...now that I got that, and understand it. not just in my head but also in my heart, its alright!! Im lookin foreward to our time in manchester, it will be amazing!!
Samstag, 21. Februar 2009
amazing God
Im absolutely amazed by God!!
Every and every day again I experience his great love for me, and every day again I have to make the decision if I trust in God and give it all to him or if I run my earthly life, trying to be good and successful - but in the end fail with it!
And the more often I decide to trust in him the more good things are happening.
Yesterday a good friend of mine told me something really encouraging! He´s been away for 5 months and he said "Im coming back and I see that you are the one that was growing the most. Look at you, you changed so much!!"
Wow, thats something that was soo good to hear!!
And I also see that God changed me a lot! He changed me in a positive way..and of course Im not perfect, I still got my faults and I still have days where Im not really sure if everything is alright..but Im on the way..yeah I feel that Im goin on and on, I step into Gods adventure for me and Im so excited what is to come!
I see his love and its so so SOOO big!!! I cant describe with words how happy his love makes me, but maybe I can describe it like that: I dont need a man who loves me at the moment, because I feel and know that theres a GOD who loves me even more than anyone could.
That doesnt mean that I dont want a partner someday, but I know that God has the right time for everything...And I know that God is the best lover I can have. The best daddy, the best saviour, the best friend, the best provider and the best encourager!!
Wow, can I have more of you Jesus?? please!!
Every and every day again I experience his great love for me, and every day again I have to make the decision if I trust in God and give it all to him or if I run my earthly life, trying to be good and successful - but in the end fail with it!
And the more often I decide to trust in him the more good things are happening.
Yesterday a good friend of mine told me something really encouraging! He´s been away for 5 months and he said "Im coming back and I see that you are the one that was growing the most. Look at you, you changed so much!!"
Wow, thats something that was soo good to hear!!
And I also see that God changed me a lot! He changed me in a positive way..and of course Im not perfect, I still got my faults and I still have days where Im not really sure if everything is alright..but Im on the way..yeah I feel that Im goin on and on, I step into Gods adventure for me and Im so excited what is to come!
I see his love and its so so SOOO big!!! I cant describe with words how happy his love makes me, but maybe I can describe it like that: I dont need a man who loves me at the moment, because I feel and know that theres a GOD who loves me even more than anyone could.
That doesnt mean that I dont want a partner someday, but I know that God has the right time for everything...And I know that God is the best lover I can have. The best daddy, the best saviour, the best friend, the best provider and the best encourager!!
Wow, can I have more of you Jesus?? please!!
Sonntag, 15. Februar 2009
preachin!!!
hallelujah!! I had such a cool weekend, and today was totally awesome!!
On Saturday I was soo glad to know that I got 2 days off from everything and everyone!!
So I took some time for me and god in the morning, went to horseback riding in the afternoon and met a friend and skyped with kaddi and went to the hot springs with my mum...I enjoyed it so much, except the fact that I fell on my elbow and my back because the floor was wet and slippery..that wasnt much fun because it hurt and it still does^^ but who cares..thats so typical for me..!!
so today I went to see chrissie and kerstin and we had such a cool day...we had breakfast at her church, afterwards we went for a walk with the dog and then we baked some "schneckennudeln". And THEN we went to young move in reichenbach...and I preached the first time in my life..
one hour before it started I was so excited, but then I listened to "I have found" by kim walker and some people prayed for me and that was soooo good..so before I had to preach I wasnt excited anymore and I had an awesome worship time..and then I had to preach and at the beginning it felt kind of weird...but ater a while I had sooo much fun!! It was sooo cool and felt so good because it really felt like God was using me!! Wow!!
so Im absolutely amazed and I coud go on preaching immediately, its so cool to tell people about God...I had such a cool time!! Thank Jesus, hes amazing, wonderful, glorious and the only real majesty!!
I have found a peace that plows through every storm
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness
I have found a love that lights up every room
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
I have found a trust that teaches how to rest
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
(Kim Walker - I have found)
On Saturday I was soo glad to know that I got 2 days off from everything and everyone!!
So I took some time for me and god in the morning, went to horseback riding in the afternoon and met a friend and skyped with kaddi and went to the hot springs with my mum...I enjoyed it so much, except the fact that I fell on my elbow and my back because the floor was wet and slippery..that wasnt much fun because it hurt and it still does^^ but who cares..thats so typical for me..!!
so today I went to see chrissie and kerstin and we had such a cool day...we had breakfast at her church, afterwards we went for a walk with the dog and then we baked some "schneckennudeln". And THEN we went to young move in reichenbach...and I preached the first time in my life..
one hour before it started I was so excited, but then I listened to "I have found" by kim walker and some people prayed for me and that was soooo good..so before I had to preach I wasnt excited anymore and I had an awesome worship time..and then I had to preach and at the beginning it felt kind of weird...but ater a while I had sooo much fun!! It was sooo cool and felt so good because it really felt like God was using me!! Wow!!
so Im absolutely amazed and I coud go on preaching immediately, its so cool to tell people about God...I had such a cool time!! Thank Jesus, hes amazing, wonderful, glorious and the only real majesty!!
I have found a peace that plows through every storm
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness
I have found a love that lights up every room
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
I have found a trust that teaches how to rest
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
(Kim Walker - I have found)
Mittwoch, 11. Februar 2009
circumstances
one more time in my life I realize that I fix too much on circumstances, people and the things Im used to..
And one more time in my life I realize that I cant fix my eyes upon this stuff becos it doesnt keep me safe..it doesnt stay the same most of the time..and its not what gives me security.
I realize that there are many problems in this world and that loads of things are happening that are not good..that are not easy to handle with..and that lots of people come to me with their problems..because I offer them that Im there for them..
And I like being there for them..as long as I have someone I can talk to about all the stuff...as long as there is someone who shares all those hard things with me..
And I know that there is God, and thats good! Im so thankful..butI also need someone around me who talks with me about it..who just listens to me when I tell of all the stuff people tell me...
Somehow Im jut not content with everything at the moment..I mean, there are awesome moments in my life, the best times are when Im around people, when we´re doing worship, when we pray or when we just talk..
but somehow somethings missing..somehow Im still alone..somehow some things are not alright..but I dont know what it is..I have to figure out whats wrong..
And one more time in my life I realize that I cant fix my eyes upon this stuff becos it doesnt keep me safe..it doesnt stay the same most of the time..and its not what gives me security.
I realize that there are many problems in this world and that loads of things are happening that are not good..that are not easy to handle with..and that lots of people come to me with their problems..because I offer them that Im there for them..
And I like being there for them..as long as I have someone I can talk to about all the stuff...as long as there is someone who shares all those hard things with me..
And I know that there is God, and thats good! Im so thankful..butI also need someone around me who talks with me about it..who just listens to me when I tell of all the stuff people tell me...
Somehow Im jut not content with everything at the moment..I mean, there are awesome moments in my life, the best times are when Im around people, when we´re doing worship, when we pray or when we just talk..
but somehow somethings missing..somehow Im still alone..somehow some things are not alright..but I dont know what it is..I have to figure out whats wrong..
Mittwoch, 4. Februar 2009
lazyness..
somehow Im really too lazy to write something these days..
oh yes Im soooo lazy, I dont even know why..
however...my internship began and actually its pretty cool, but I cant say much until now, so Im just excited how it will be in the future!
Unfortunetely I do not find that much time for God and me at the moment..and I dont like that.
Because I need time with my God, otherwise I become weak and weary.
You know that when you do so many things for gods kingdom that you do not find time to live relationship with him? thats mad!
But Im realising more and more how important personal relationships are for me..
thas so good.
Im thinkin a lot about my future at the moment..about england..somehow Im a bit scared about it, maybe thats the reason why I just dont finish my application..and I hate the fact that I dont have a job to earn some money..I still have to pay back some money to my dad for my driving licence...and he wont stop telling me this until he has that flippin money..and how should I give it to him without a job? FLIP!
whatever..Gods my provider, I still believe this..and Im sure he will do something!
oh yes Im soooo lazy, I dont even know why..
however...my internship began and actually its pretty cool, but I cant say much until now, so Im just excited how it will be in the future!
Unfortunetely I do not find that much time for God and me at the moment..and I dont like that.
Because I need time with my God, otherwise I become weak and weary.
You know that when you do so many things for gods kingdom that you do not find time to live relationship with him? thats mad!
But Im realising more and more how important personal relationships are for me..
thas so good.
Im thinkin a lot about my future at the moment..about england..somehow Im a bit scared about it, maybe thats the reason why I just dont finish my application..and I hate the fact that I dont have a job to earn some money..I still have to pay back some money to my dad for my driving licence...and he wont stop telling me this until he has that flippin money..and how should I give it to him without a job? FLIP!
whatever..Gods my provider, I still believe this..and Im sure he will do something!
Dienstag, 20. Januar 2009
hearing gods voice
maybe I should update this blog here..
I didnt wrote something for a long time..
The last week was pretty interesting for me..I did some steps foreward in hearing gods voice..
Especially when it was about ungodly believes and soaking God talked a lot to me.
I got many pictures and he told me some stuff about our relationship and also about the relationship to my parents. To be honest this is the hardest part of it all..
I really have to learn to just love them, no matter what.
I have to learn to forgive them and not to bear a grudge..because they are my parents and Im trying to think about the fact that they do all those things because they love me and they want me to be save.
There was also something hard I realized about all this stuff: I will never be able to wrap them into my arms because I forgave them and they forgave me..because they dont even really know what forgiveness means because they dont accept the forgiveness from Jesus.
They dont know how much forgiveness means to me and also they dont know how hard it is for me to forgive (them).
But God also told me that he is working inside of them..And I really wanna believe him..I wanna pray for them.
I know that God is working inside of me too..I feel it and its not always easy..
Its also not easy because the only person I can really talk about it all without feeling misunderstood is in england.
But I know that she is even there for me when shes in England! And thats so good.
But I nevertheless miss her..
Im excited what happens in the next few weeks of my week..lets see..
I didnt wrote something for a long time..
The last week was pretty interesting for me..I did some steps foreward in hearing gods voice..
Especially when it was about ungodly believes and soaking God talked a lot to me.
I got many pictures and he told me some stuff about our relationship and also about the relationship to my parents. To be honest this is the hardest part of it all..
I really have to learn to just love them, no matter what.
I have to learn to forgive them and not to bear a grudge..because they are my parents and Im trying to think about the fact that they do all those things because they love me and they want me to be save.
There was also something hard I realized about all this stuff: I will never be able to wrap them into my arms because I forgave them and they forgave me..because they dont even really know what forgiveness means because they dont accept the forgiveness from Jesus.
They dont know how much forgiveness means to me and also they dont know how hard it is for me to forgive (them).
But God also told me that he is working inside of them..And I really wanna believe him..I wanna pray for them.
I know that God is working inside of me too..I feel it and its not always easy..
Its also not easy because the only person I can really talk about it all without feeling misunderstood is in england.
But I know that she is even there for me when shes in England! And thats so good.
But I nevertheless miss her..
Im excited what happens in the next few weeks of my week..lets see..
Sonntag, 11. Januar 2009
blubb
so just some updates of my life..
kaddi left on friday and it felt like I could never stop cryin again..people I tell u Ill never bring anyone to an airport again..thats so horrible to see that someone leaving and youre just like "nooooo dont go!!"
whatever..now Im kinda alone here, I stil got some friends but noone compares to her.
some old friends arent interested at all to stay in contact so atm its a time full of goodbies which Im not very happy about.
Im so happy that the ppl from toronto are here..I spend loads of time with them and Im so happy about it. Theyre so openhearted, so friendly and so loving, and even if theyre only here since about a week with some of them its like we knew eac other for a longer time..
its great fun making music with them, dance with them or just hang around and talk.
next weekend its gonna be the soaking weekend and I will be there...Im glad about it. Glad about bein away from home for 2 days..
just have some hard times with my parents becos I quit school..its annoying becos actually I just want some freetime now, without thinkin that much about the upcoming time, becos I have enough time to think about that all when I start my internship in february..
I just wanna be free for at least a few weeks becos I reli need some time for myself now without always worrying about anything..its so exhausting...!!
lifes okay somehow..I miss kaddi but i know its best for her to be in manchester...
so goodnite guys...
kaddi left on friday and it felt like I could never stop cryin again..people I tell u Ill never bring anyone to an airport again..thats so horrible to see that someone leaving and youre just like "nooooo dont go!!"
whatever..now Im kinda alone here, I stil got some friends but noone compares to her.
some old friends arent interested at all to stay in contact so atm its a time full of goodbies which Im not very happy about.
Im so happy that the ppl from toronto are here..I spend loads of time with them and Im so happy about it. Theyre so openhearted, so friendly and so loving, and even if theyre only here since about a week with some of them its like we knew eac other for a longer time..
its great fun making music with them, dance with them or just hang around and talk.
next weekend its gonna be the soaking weekend and I will be there...Im glad about it. Glad about bein away from home for 2 days..
just have some hard times with my parents becos I quit school..its annoying becos actually I just want some freetime now, without thinkin that much about the upcoming time, becos I have enough time to think about that all when I start my internship in february..
I just wanna be free for at least a few weeks becos I reli need some time for myself now without always worrying about anything..its so exhausting...!!
lifes okay somehow..I miss kaddi but i know its best for her to be in manchester...
so goodnite guys...
Dienstag, 6. Januar 2009
my wonderful saviour
so here I am..back home..and somehow Im glad..but on the other hand its a pity..
I reli dont miss the kitchen..I dont miss stinkin the whole day becos everything thats near the kitchen is stinkin...I also dont miss it to miss some great stuff becos Im standing in the kitchen..
Really..Ill never ever go into the kitchen again..cutting vegetables, washing the dishes, put away plates, glasses and shit like that..really..thats not my kind of work, thats what I figured out..
we had hard times sometimes..we didnt sleep much..we went to bed very late (or better said early) and got up at 7 am..we were standin in the kitchen when all the others had fun in the café, at seminars or somewhere alse, and we also missed a part of a very good worship time with the people from toronto...today we didnt even know if we could go to the last service becos we needed to clean the kitchen...
I guess God REALLY wanted to show me how precious these times are..where I can stand and worship him, where I can listen to good sermons, where I can just have some time for myself and him, some time to come down..and I guess he also wanted to show me that its sometimes very hard to have a serving heart...but that there are situations in life where its hard to give him honour but you nevertheless should do it ALL THE TIME in your life..
Yesterday evenin I had a very good worship time..all the evenings it was about bein real...before yourself, before other people and before God...
Sometimes Im reli stupid..I think I could show God how great he is and how much I worship him and stuff...and its not like I wouldnt mean that.
But sometimes its just not how I wish it would be...and so God told me yesterday that I should just lay down and enjoy the time with him..and thats what I did..and it was so good..becos before that worship time Ive been so dissatisfied with my relationship to him, with myself and with everything..and afterwards Ive been so calm..yeah..and happy!
so I reli figured out that God is good in every way..how wonderful our god is..Im reli thankful!! who would I be without him?? NOBODY!!
I reli dont miss the kitchen..I dont miss stinkin the whole day becos everything thats near the kitchen is stinkin...I also dont miss it to miss some great stuff becos Im standing in the kitchen..
Really..Ill never ever go into the kitchen again..cutting vegetables, washing the dishes, put away plates, glasses and shit like that..really..thats not my kind of work, thats what I figured out..
we had hard times sometimes..we didnt sleep much..we went to bed very late (or better said early) and got up at 7 am..we were standin in the kitchen when all the others had fun in the café, at seminars or somewhere alse, and we also missed a part of a very good worship time with the people from toronto...today we didnt even know if we could go to the last service becos we needed to clean the kitchen...
I guess God REALLY wanted to show me how precious these times are..where I can stand and worship him, where I can listen to good sermons, where I can just have some time for myself and him, some time to come down..and I guess he also wanted to show me that its sometimes very hard to have a serving heart...but that there are situations in life where its hard to give him honour but you nevertheless should do it ALL THE TIME in your life..
Yesterday evenin I had a very good worship time..all the evenings it was about bein real...before yourself, before other people and before God...
Sometimes Im reli stupid..I think I could show God how great he is and how much I worship him and stuff...and its not like I wouldnt mean that.
But sometimes its just not how I wish it would be...and so God told me yesterday that I should just lay down and enjoy the time with him..and thats what I did..and it was so good..becos before that worship time Ive been so dissatisfied with my relationship to him, with myself and with everything..and afterwards Ive been so calm..yeah..and happy!
so I reli figured out that God is good in every way..how wonderful our god is..Im reli thankful!! who would I be without him?? NOBODY!!
Donnerstag, 1. Januar 2009
why am I not allowed to...
so here we are in the year 2009..
actually its still unbelievable for me that the year 2008 is already over becos sometimes it seems as if time was runnin..
I clearly remember summer 2008 and i cant believe 6 months passed since Ive been at zeltstadt and stuff...
but whatever I think or however it feels, its over and something new is coming now.
And Im reli lookin foreward to everything that will happen this year. Im sure there will be lots of challenges and changes.
Somehow Im a bit scared about that but actually most of all Im excited becos goin through changes means growing in identity.
I know that God planned this whole year to be a year full of changes for me..the first change will come soon..kaddi will leave..and to be honest: I never had to dispense without her for such a long time. Im sure it will be hard..I cant just call her when i feel like it, I cant visit her whenever I want, she cant come around to share 2 hours together..yeah Ill pretty much miss her..but I know that this friendship was built in heaven and so Im sure that it will last..no matter what happens, were gonna stay together..Im gonna visit her, probably sometime in april..
and Im sure were gonna hev a great time then and maybe will visit some friends too..
another challenge will be the internship Im gonna do..its something completely new for me..and that I wont ever go to school again is a strange feeling..it will be my first year without school!
when everything turns out right Im gonna leave this country in 8 months to stay in england for 10 months. Without a doubt thats the biggest challenge..never been away from homw for such a long time..but..I know its what God wants me to do and so Im gonna do it and Im reli lookin foreward to it. Sometimes I wish I could leave immediately.
Im sure that God will do something in our prayer group..becos I know that we are ready to go for whatever he has for us and there could be crazy things goin on!!
I wanna learn to trust God more and more..I wanna give my life fully into his hands and I reli wanna give my WHOLE LIFE to serve him and other people..Im not quite sure how this will look like and I dont know what Im gonna do or what will be my way..but it feels like God would want to show it to me within this year 2009.
So I can be excited!! And I am..
well..actually almost everythings perfect right now..Im gonna go to the nordalb tomorrow to the new years camp and Im sure well have a good time..Kaddi and me are in the kitchen..it will be funny I guess ;)
so..actually almost everythings perfect...theres only ONE thing....
Your beauty pricks directly into my heart
your kind of being impresses me so deeply
your eyes dispossess me of my mind
youre so confused somtimes, it makes me laugh
everything you do makes me love you more and more
why am I not allowed to have you?
actually its still unbelievable for me that the year 2008 is already over becos sometimes it seems as if time was runnin..
I clearly remember summer 2008 and i cant believe 6 months passed since Ive been at zeltstadt and stuff...
but whatever I think or however it feels, its over and something new is coming now.
And Im reli lookin foreward to everything that will happen this year. Im sure there will be lots of challenges and changes.
Somehow Im a bit scared about that but actually most of all Im excited becos goin through changes means growing in identity.
I know that God planned this whole year to be a year full of changes for me..the first change will come soon..kaddi will leave..and to be honest: I never had to dispense without her for such a long time. Im sure it will be hard..I cant just call her when i feel like it, I cant visit her whenever I want, she cant come around to share 2 hours together..yeah Ill pretty much miss her..but I know that this friendship was built in heaven and so Im sure that it will last..no matter what happens, were gonna stay together..Im gonna visit her, probably sometime in april..
and Im sure were gonna hev a great time then and maybe will visit some friends too..
another challenge will be the internship Im gonna do..its something completely new for me..and that I wont ever go to school again is a strange feeling..it will be my first year without school!
when everything turns out right Im gonna leave this country in 8 months to stay in england for 10 months. Without a doubt thats the biggest challenge..never been away from homw for such a long time..but..I know its what God wants me to do and so Im gonna do it and Im reli lookin foreward to it. Sometimes I wish I could leave immediately.
Im sure that God will do something in our prayer group..becos I know that we are ready to go for whatever he has for us and there could be crazy things goin on!!
I wanna learn to trust God more and more..I wanna give my life fully into his hands and I reli wanna give my WHOLE LIFE to serve him and other people..Im not quite sure how this will look like and I dont know what Im gonna do or what will be my way..but it feels like God would want to show it to me within this year 2009.
So I can be excited!! And I am..
well..actually almost everythings perfect right now..Im gonna go to the nordalb tomorrow to the new years camp and Im sure well have a good time..Kaddi and me are in the kitchen..it will be funny I guess ;)
so..actually almost everythings perfect...theres only ONE thing....
Your beauty pricks directly into my heart
your kind of being impresses me so deeply
your eyes dispossess me of my mind
youre so confused somtimes, it makes me laugh
everything you do makes me love you more and more
Abonnieren
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