today is the day!! Im gonna fly to manchester in 3 and a half hours and Im gonna see Kaddi there!! Yeeeaah Im soo lookin foreward to this week, were gonna have such a good time!!
Im sure that God will do a lot...and I actually dont have that much to write at the moment, the only thing I know is that Im excited and curious about this upcoming week..!! :)
I wish everyone of you an awesome week - whatever you do and wherever you are!!
Be open!! God will work in you if you only allow him to!!
Donnerstag, 26. März 2009
Sonntag, 22. März 2009
its worth it all
One more time in my life I have to realize that things NEVER go like you expect them to..
Okay alright, I gotta admit that I somehow expected that it wont turn out to be like I wished it to...
somehow I just felt deep inside of me that it wont be that easy..
But somehow it just feels weird to notice that you have to change your dream a bit..
So one more time in this life I am allowed to go into this life-school with god again..and I think not it becomes even more exciting than ever before..because now I really gotta trust him, I need to hear what hes gotta say, what he wants me to do and where he wants me to go.
I have no idea about it right now..but Im sure hes gonna tell me when he thinks the time has come..
I have to say that its okay right now..I think God wants me learn that I cant always plan everything Im going to do...HE has it in his hands anyway...and he has only the best for me..so lets see..
And you know what? somehow it feels just good to be alive.
Im soo glad to get to manchester in 4 days I cant wait!! Because Im gonna have an awesome time there! And Im sure god will even change me there..because hes changing me every and every day I allow him to.
Now Im gonna go to a konfi-service and afterwards we´re gonna drive to the jesus treff to hear mal calledine..Im excited because he REALLY has something to tell..
I love this life..eventhough sometimes its not easy...but its worth it all..!!
Every single minute is worth it all!!
Okay alright, I gotta admit that I somehow expected that it wont turn out to be like I wished it to...
somehow I just felt deep inside of me that it wont be that easy..
But somehow it just feels weird to notice that you have to change your dream a bit..
So one more time in this life I am allowed to go into this life-school with god again..and I think not it becomes even more exciting than ever before..because now I really gotta trust him, I need to hear what hes gotta say, what he wants me to do and where he wants me to go.
I have no idea about it right now..but Im sure hes gonna tell me when he thinks the time has come..
I have to say that its okay right now..I think God wants me learn that I cant always plan everything Im going to do...HE has it in his hands anyway...and he has only the best for me..so lets see..
And you know what? somehow it feels just good to be alive.
Im soo glad to get to manchester in 4 days I cant wait!! Because Im gonna have an awesome time there! And Im sure god will even change me there..because hes changing me every and every day I allow him to.
Now Im gonna go to a konfi-service and afterwards we´re gonna drive to the jesus treff to hear mal calledine..Im excited because he REALLY has something to tell..
I love this life..eventhough sometimes its not easy...but its worth it all..!!
Every single minute is worth it all!!
Mittwoch, 11. März 2009
being thankful in every circumstance
well I actually should be in bed since about one hour but somehow I just do not feel like sleepin would be what I need right now..I would rather love to have some soaking time, which Im probably going to have after this post here..when I fall asleep while soaking its not that bad..;)
Just realized that its been a while since I wrote something here so I decided to change that fact.
The last two weeks havent been that cool..I mean it was okay...but as I had a contusion in my knee I had to stay at home the whole last week which was pretty boring..
And do you know that, when you are only stayin in bed all the time becos you cant move you get veeeery lazy??
Oh dear, Ive been sooo lazy!! Every little action seemed to be too much...and you know what comes after lazyness? Demotivation..you have NO joy about ANYTHING.
I wasnt even motivated to go on with my intern eventhough its actually great fun.
Well this time is almost over and Im soo glad about it.
Jesus is showing me some new ways to have good times..Today I had some teaching in music..well actually I understood all this theoretical music stuff the first time in my life! And I had fun to sit at home for another hour just to figure out where on my guitar which tone is..isnt that crazy? But I like it..I like to improve my features because thats something useful..
I had some cool times the last few weeks though..
Theres a girl Im hangin out a lot with..shes cool and I like spending time with her because I think shes real and I feel that there´s jesus inside of her..its so good to share time with such people..
We watched some good films, had worship times and just talked..yes that was cool!
And something else I did was reading, I read the book wild at heart, which is very interesting if you wanna understand why men are how they are :D
Somehow Jesus is working inside of me and I do not even realize it..
Let me say it like this:
Im not going through the easiest time of my life..I havent got a job, I have no idea if the school I wanna do in england is even existing this year, I do not know what Im gonna do or where Im gonna be in 5 years...
The very only thing I know is that God is with me...everywhere, everytime and whatever I do..
And I know that there are ppl who support me..
maybe not financial but as I figured out theres something thats more worth than money: and that is relationship and love.
How good it feels to know that there are people standing behind me who hold me, who believe in me, who make me stand strong and who give me their hands to help me to stand up again after falling...
How good to know that there are places where I can go and where I KNOW that there will be people who support me.
I just wanna write it down here that Im so thankful that God gave me those people.
I know I shouldnt rely on relationships with people because people arent perfect and people hurt each other..but thats not what Im talkin about..Im talkin about that ONE foundation I can rely on, that one foundation that always stands strong! And that one foundation, this wonderful and glorious God and Daddy in heaven gave me some people who strenghten me on my way! And yes, maybe they hurt me sometimes, but when I KNOW that and when I only trust in God whos NEVER hurting me I can just be thankful..
And I really wanna learn to be thankful in every circumstance of my life! Thankful for everything I have..because I have so much!!
I have everything I need..I have God, I have friends and I have a family which I love so much!!
Just realized that its been a while since I wrote something here so I decided to change that fact.
The last two weeks havent been that cool..I mean it was okay...but as I had a contusion in my knee I had to stay at home the whole last week which was pretty boring..
And do you know that, when you are only stayin in bed all the time becos you cant move you get veeeery lazy??
Oh dear, Ive been sooo lazy!! Every little action seemed to be too much...and you know what comes after lazyness? Demotivation..you have NO joy about ANYTHING.
I wasnt even motivated to go on with my intern eventhough its actually great fun.
Well this time is almost over and Im soo glad about it.
Jesus is showing me some new ways to have good times..Today I had some teaching in music..well actually I understood all this theoretical music stuff the first time in my life! And I had fun to sit at home for another hour just to figure out where on my guitar which tone is..isnt that crazy? But I like it..I like to improve my features because thats something useful..
I had some cool times the last few weeks though..
Theres a girl Im hangin out a lot with..shes cool and I like spending time with her because I think shes real and I feel that there´s jesus inside of her..its so good to share time with such people..
We watched some good films, had worship times and just talked..yes that was cool!
And something else I did was reading, I read the book wild at heart, which is very interesting if you wanna understand why men are how they are :D
Somehow Jesus is working inside of me and I do not even realize it..
Let me say it like this:
Im not going through the easiest time of my life..I havent got a job, I have no idea if the school I wanna do in england is even existing this year, I do not know what Im gonna do or where Im gonna be in 5 years...
The very only thing I know is that God is with me...everywhere, everytime and whatever I do..
And I know that there are ppl who support me..
maybe not financial but as I figured out theres something thats more worth than money: and that is relationship and love.
How good it feels to know that there are people standing behind me who hold me, who believe in me, who make me stand strong and who give me their hands to help me to stand up again after falling...
How good to know that there are places where I can go and where I KNOW that there will be people who support me.
I just wanna write it down here that Im so thankful that God gave me those people.
I know I shouldnt rely on relationships with people because people arent perfect and people hurt each other..but thats not what Im talkin about..Im talkin about that ONE foundation I can rely on, that one foundation that always stands strong! And that one foundation, this wonderful and glorious God and Daddy in heaven gave me some people who strenghten me on my way! And yes, maybe they hurt me sometimes, but when I KNOW that and when I only trust in God whos NEVER hurting me I can just be thankful..
And I really wanna learn to be thankful in every circumstance of my life! Thankful for everything I have..because I have so much!!
I have everything I need..I have God, I have friends and I have a family which I love so much!!
Mittwoch, 25. Februar 2009
this is the life
Actually Im pretty happy with my life at the moment!!
The sun is shining again, I know that spring is coming soon (it cant be long until spring is there), Ive got a cool internship and I hope Im gonna go to england in august...AND Im gonna visit kaddi in manchester soon! everythings cool!
only ONE thing bothers me...I still need a job! I need something to earn money...I NEED MONEY for england..and I have NO CLUE where I should get it from because EVERYWHERE Im trying to get a job they dont need anyone...feels like Ive asked EVERYWHERE..the only thing I could maye do is work in the cafeteria in...yeah..guess where?? In my old school...and thats the most horrible thing I could imagine...I would rather clean every flippin house in kirchheim than doing that..
I really need that money but thats something like soul-torture...
well lets just see what happens..I just hope that god will give me a job or that money falls from heaven or what do I know...:/
its definitely a difficult thing..
but still Im thankful that god changed me sooo much! Im on a good way, I know it..
And its getting better every day..and I realize that here are some people I can really have fun with! Some people I can trust..some people who care..and thats good to know when the best friend is over the sea ;)
And still I love her and I know shes the best friend i can have..no distance can keep us apart and nothing could seperate our hearts...now that I got that, and understand it. not just in my head but also in my heart, its alright!! Im lookin foreward to our time in manchester, it will be amazing!!
The sun is shining again, I know that spring is coming soon (it cant be long until spring is there), Ive got a cool internship and I hope Im gonna go to england in august...AND Im gonna visit kaddi in manchester soon! everythings cool!
only ONE thing bothers me...I still need a job! I need something to earn money...I NEED MONEY for england..and I have NO CLUE where I should get it from because EVERYWHERE Im trying to get a job they dont need anyone...feels like Ive asked EVERYWHERE..the only thing I could maye do is work in the cafeteria in...yeah..guess where?? In my old school...and thats the most horrible thing I could imagine...I would rather clean every flippin house in kirchheim than doing that..
I really need that money but thats something like soul-torture...
well lets just see what happens..I just hope that god will give me a job or that money falls from heaven or what do I know...:/
its definitely a difficult thing..
but still Im thankful that god changed me sooo much! Im on a good way, I know it..
And its getting better every day..and I realize that here are some people I can really have fun with! Some people I can trust..some people who care..and thats good to know when the best friend is over the sea ;)
And still I love her and I know shes the best friend i can have..no distance can keep us apart and nothing could seperate our hearts...now that I got that, and understand it. not just in my head but also in my heart, its alright!! Im lookin foreward to our time in manchester, it will be amazing!!
Samstag, 21. Februar 2009
amazing God
Im absolutely amazed by God!!
Every and every day again I experience his great love for me, and every day again I have to make the decision if I trust in God and give it all to him or if I run my earthly life, trying to be good and successful - but in the end fail with it!
And the more often I decide to trust in him the more good things are happening.
Yesterday a good friend of mine told me something really encouraging! He´s been away for 5 months and he said "Im coming back and I see that you are the one that was growing the most. Look at you, you changed so much!!"
Wow, thats something that was soo good to hear!!
And I also see that God changed me a lot! He changed me in a positive way..and of course Im not perfect, I still got my faults and I still have days where Im not really sure if everything is alright..but Im on the way..yeah I feel that Im goin on and on, I step into Gods adventure for me and Im so excited what is to come!
I see his love and its so so SOOO big!!! I cant describe with words how happy his love makes me, but maybe I can describe it like that: I dont need a man who loves me at the moment, because I feel and know that theres a GOD who loves me even more than anyone could.
That doesnt mean that I dont want a partner someday, but I know that God has the right time for everything...And I know that God is the best lover I can have. The best daddy, the best saviour, the best friend, the best provider and the best encourager!!
Wow, can I have more of you Jesus?? please!!
Every and every day again I experience his great love for me, and every day again I have to make the decision if I trust in God and give it all to him or if I run my earthly life, trying to be good and successful - but in the end fail with it!
And the more often I decide to trust in him the more good things are happening.
Yesterday a good friend of mine told me something really encouraging! He´s been away for 5 months and he said "Im coming back and I see that you are the one that was growing the most. Look at you, you changed so much!!"
Wow, thats something that was soo good to hear!!
And I also see that God changed me a lot! He changed me in a positive way..and of course Im not perfect, I still got my faults and I still have days where Im not really sure if everything is alright..but Im on the way..yeah I feel that Im goin on and on, I step into Gods adventure for me and Im so excited what is to come!
I see his love and its so so SOOO big!!! I cant describe with words how happy his love makes me, but maybe I can describe it like that: I dont need a man who loves me at the moment, because I feel and know that theres a GOD who loves me even more than anyone could.
That doesnt mean that I dont want a partner someday, but I know that God has the right time for everything...And I know that God is the best lover I can have. The best daddy, the best saviour, the best friend, the best provider and the best encourager!!
Wow, can I have more of you Jesus?? please!!
Sonntag, 15. Februar 2009
preachin!!!
hallelujah!! I had such a cool weekend, and today was totally awesome!!
On Saturday I was soo glad to know that I got 2 days off from everything and everyone!!
So I took some time for me and god in the morning, went to horseback riding in the afternoon and met a friend and skyped with kaddi and went to the hot springs with my mum...I enjoyed it so much, except the fact that I fell on my elbow and my back because the floor was wet and slippery..that wasnt much fun because it hurt and it still does^^ but who cares..thats so typical for me..!!
so today I went to see chrissie and kerstin and we had such a cool day...we had breakfast at her church, afterwards we went for a walk with the dog and then we baked some "schneckennudeln". And THEN we went to young move in reichenbach...and I preached the first time in my life..
one hour before it started I was so excited, but then I listened to "I have found" by kim walker and some people prayed for me and that was soooo good..so before I had to preach I wasnt excited anymore and I had an awesome worship time..and then I had to preach and at the beginning it felt kind of weird...but ater a while I had sooo much fun!! It was sooo cool and felt so good because it really felt like God was using me!! Wow!!
so Im absolutely amazed and I coud go on preaching immediately, its so cool to tell people about God...I had such a cool time!! Thank Jesus, hes amazing, wonderful, glorious and the only real majesty!!
I have found a peace that plows through every storm
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness
I have found a love that lights up every room
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
I have found a trust that teaches how to rest
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
(Kim Walker - I have found)
On Saturday I was soo glad to know that I got 2 days off from everything and everyone!!
So I took some time for me and god in the morning, went to horseback riding in the afternoon and met a friend and skyped with kaddi and went to the hot springs with my mum...I enjoyed it so much, except the fact that I fell on my elbow and my back because the floor was wet and slippery..that wasnt much fun because it hurt and it still does^^ but who cares..thats so typical for me..!!
so today I went to see chrissie and kerstin and we had such a cool day...we had breakfast at her church, afterwards we went for a walk with the dog and then we baked some "schneckennudeln". And THEN we went to young move in reichenbach...and I preached the first time in my life..
one hour before it started I was so excited, but then I listened to "I have found" by kim walker and some people prayed for me and that was soooo good..so before I had to preach I wasnt excited anymore and I had an awesome worship time..and then I had to preach and at the beginning it felt kind of weird...but ater a while I had sooo much fun!! It was sooo cool and felt so good because it really felt like God was using me!! Wow!!
so Im absolutely amazed and I coud go on preaching immediately, its so cool to tell people about God...I had such a cool time!! Thank Jesus, hes amazing, wonderful, glorious and the only real majesty!!
I have found a peace that plows through every storm
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness
I have found a love that lights up every room
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
I have found a trust that teaches how to rest
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain
I have found...I found You
You are all i want, You are all i need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for the glory of the Lord
Cause we know there's so much more
(Kim Walker - I have found)
Mittwoch, 11. Februar 2009
circumstances
one more time in my life I realize that I fix too much on circumstances, people and the things Im used to..
And one more time in my life I realize that I cant fix my eyes upon this stuff becos it doesnt keep me safe..it doesnt stay the same most of the time..and its not what gives me security.
I realize that there are many problems in this world and that loads of things are happening that are not good..that are not easy to handle with..and that lots of people come to me with their problems..because I offer them that Im there for them..
And I like being there for them..as long as I have someone I can talk to about all the stuff...as long as there is someone who shares all those hard things with me..
And I know that there is God, and thats good! Im so thankful..butI also need someone around me who talks with me about it..who just listens to me when I tell of all the stuff people tell me...
Somehow Im jut not content with everything at the moment..I mean, there are awesome moments in my life, the best times are when Im around people, when we´re doing worship, when we pray or when we just talk..
but somehow somethings missing..somehow Im still alone..somehow some things are not alright..but I dont know what it is..I have to figure out whats wrong..
And one more time in my life I realize that I cant fix my eyes upon this stuff becos it doesnt keep me safe..it doesnt stay the same most of the time..and its not what gives me security.
I realize that there are many problems in this world and that loads of things are happening that are not good..that are not easy to handle with..and that lots of people come to me with their problems..because I offer them that Im there for them..
And I like being there for them..as long as I have someone I can talk to about all the stuff...as long as there is someone who shares all those hard things with me..
And I know that there is God, and thats good! Im so thankful..butI also need someone around me who talks with me about it..who just listens to me when I tell of all the stuff people tell me...
Somehow Im jut not content with everything at the moment..I mean, there are awesome moments in my life, the best times are when Im around people, when we´re doing worship, when we pray or when we just talk..
but somehow somethings missing..somehow Im still alone..somehow some things are not alright..but I dont know what it is..I have to figure out whats wrong..
Mittwoch, 4. Februar 2009
lazyness..
somehow Im really too lazy to write something these days..
oh yes Im soooo lazy, I dont even know why..
however...my internship began and actually its pretty cool, but I cant say much until now, so Im just excited how it will be in the future!
Unfortunetely I do not find that much time for God and me at the moment..and I dont like that.
Because I need time with my God, otherwise I become weak and weary.
You know that when you do so many things for gods kingdom that you do not find time to live relationship with him? thats mad!
But Im realising more and more how important personal relationships are for me..
thas so good.
Im thinkin a lot about my future at the moment..about england..somehow Im a bit scared about it, maybe thats the reason why I just dont finish my application..and I hate the fact that I dont have a job to earn some money..I still have to pay back some money to my dad for my driving licence...and he wont stop telling me this until he has that flippin money..and how should I give it to him without a job? FLIP!
whatever..Gods my provider, I still believe this..and Im sure he will do something!
oh yes Im soooo lazy, I dont even know why..
however...my internship began and actually its pretty cool, but I cant say much until now, so Im just excited how it will be in the future!
Unfortunetely I do not find that much time for God and me at the moment..and I dont like that.
Because I need time with my God, otherwise I become weak and weary.
You know that when you do so many things for gods kingdom that you do not find time to live relationship with him? thats mad!
But Im realising more and more how important personal relationships are for me..
thas so good.
Im thinkin a lot about my future at the moment..about england..somehow Im a bit scared about it, maybe thats the reason why I just dont finish my application..and I hate the fact that I dont have a job to earn some money..I still have to pay back some money to my dad for my driving licence...and he wont stop telling me this until he has that flippin money..and how should I give it to him without a job? FLIP!
whatever..Gods my provider, I still believe this..and Im sure he will do something!
Dienstag, 20. Januar 2009
hearing gods voice
maybe I should update this blog here..
I didnt wrote something for a long time..
The last week was pretty interesting for me..I did some steps foreward in hearing gods voice..
Especially when it was about ungodly believes and soaking God talked a lot to me.
I got many pictures and he told me some stuff about our relationship and also about the relationship to my parents. To be honest this is the hardest part of it all..
I really have to learn to just love them, no matter what.
I have to learn to forgive them and not to bear a grudge..because they are my parents and Im trying to think about the fact that they do all those things because they love me and they want me to be save.
There was also something hard I realized about all this stuff: I will never be able to wrap them into my arms because I forgave them and they forgave me..because they dont even really know what forgiveness means because they dont accept the forgiveness from Jesus.
They dont know how much forgiveness means to me and also they dont know how hard it is for me to forgive (them).
But God also told me that he is working inside of them..And I really wanna believe him..I wanna pray for them.
I know that God is working inside of me too..I feel it and its not always easy..
Its also not easy because the only person I can really talk about it all without feeling misunderstood is in england.
But I know that she is even there for me when shes in England! And thats so good.
But I nevertheless miss her..
Im excited what happens in the next few weeks of my week..lets see..
I didnt wrote something for a long time..
The last week was pretty interesting for me..I did some steps foreward in hearing gods voice..
Especially when it was about ungodly believes and soaking God talked a lot to me.
I got many pictures and he told me some stuff about our relationship and also about the relationship to my parents. To be honest this is the hardest part of it all..
I really have to learn to just love them, no matter what.
I have to learn to forgive them and not to bear a grudge..because they are my parents and Im trying to think about the fact that they do all those things because they love me and they want me to be save.
There was also something hard I realized about all this stuff: I will never be able to wrap them into my arms because I forgave them and they forgave me..because they dont even really know what forgiveness means because they dont accept the forgiveness from Jesus.
They dont know how much forgiveness means to me and also they dont know how hard it is for me to forgive (them).
But God also told me that he is working inside of them..And I really wanna believe him..I wanna pray for them.
I know that God is working inside of me too..I feel it and its not always easy..
Its also not easy because the only person I can really talk about it all without feeling misunderstood is in england.
But I know that she is even there for me when shes in England! And thats so good.
But I nevertheless miss her..
Im excited what happens in the next few weeks of my week..lets see..
Sonntag, 11. Januar 2009
blubb
so just some updates of my life..
kaddi left on friday and it felt like I could never stop cryin again..people I tell u Ill never bring anyone to an airport again..thats so horrible to see that someone leaving and youre just like "nooooo dont go!!"
whatever..now Im kinda alone here, I stil got some friends but noone compares to her.
some old friends arent interested at all to stay in contact so atm its a time full of goodbies which Im not very happy about.
Im so happy that the ppl from toronto are here..I spend loads of time with them and Im so happy about it. Theyre so openhearted, so friendly and so loving, and even if theyre only here since about a week with some of them its like we knew eac other for a longer time..
its great fun making music with them, dance with them or just hang around and talk.
next weekend its gonna be the soaking weekend and I will be there...Im glad about it. Glad about bein away from home for 2 days..
just have some hard times with my parents becos I quit school..its annoying becos actually I just want some freetime now, without thinkin that much about the upcoming time, becos I have enough time to think about that all when I start my internship in february..
I just wanna be free for at least a few weeks becos I reli need some time for myself now without always worrying about anything..its so exhausting...!!
lifes okay somehow..I miss kaddi but i know its best for her to be in manchester...
so goodnite guys...
kaddi left on friday and it felt like I could never stop cryin again..people I tell u Ill never bring anyone to an airport again..thats so horrible to see that someone leaving and youre just like "nooooo dont go!!"
whatever..now Im kinda alone here, I stil got some friends but noone compares to her.
some old friends arent interested at all to stay in contact so atm its a time full of goodbies which Im not very happy about.
Im so happy that the ppl from toronto are here..I spend loads of time with them and Im so happy about it. Theyre so openhearted, so friendly and so loving, and even if theyre only here since about a week with some of them its like we knew eac other for a longer time..
its great fun making music with them, dance with them or just hang around and talk.
next weekend its gonna be the soaking weekend and I will be there...Im glad about it. Glad about bein away from home for 2 days..
just have some hard times with my parents becos I quit school..its annoying becos actually I just want some freetime now, without thinkin that much about the upcoming time, becos I have enough time to think about that all when I start my internship in february..
I just wanna be free for at least a few weeks becos I reli need some time for myself now without always worrying about anything..its so exhausting...!!
lifes okay somehow..I miss kaddi but i know its best for her to be in manchester...
so goodnite guys...
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