WE ARE CHOSEN!!

what a day!!
seems like this day was reli useful!!
Ive been to a walk with my mother this afternoon, thought this fresh air could help me to get a bit fitter becos actually Im ill atm and I do not feel healthy at all..
AND this walk was pretty good becos I had a real good conversation with my mum and i hope I could tell her a few things that are very important for me..!
in the evening I had "band practice" with kaddi..we had lots of fun, and one more time I had this wonderful feelings that it just fits perfectly when we are making music together.
Of course I dont sing every tone perfectly but thats not what its about..its about the hearts and I know that our hearts r reli similar!!
When I was younger I always wished to have a fried with whom I could make music, just to have some fun together..and thats just what I found. The best girl I know!!
Afterwards we went to our prayer-meeting.
and it was soo good!!
we had a worship and prayer time and I just reli felt that God was in the room.
I felt he was listening and enjoying our singing. he listened to our prayers and was happy about our desire to see more of him in our town and everywhere around.
Unfortunetely I had to leave the group earlier than I wanted but I reli had to go home becos actually Im ill ;)
But - and that was something I reli realized today - God RELI took everyone of us and gave him a place in our group.
Its not a fortune that we build a group, its God-wanted.
Everytime we meet I just feel that God is there and that hes happy about us..I feel hes proud of us. Its so wonderful to realize more and more that I am, that we all are daughters and sons of this almighty, beautiful, graceful GOD.
We are princes and princesses, and we are princes and princesses for a reason! Because HE CHOSE US!! he chose everyone of us to be his child!
Im readin a book about becoming that princess..about living the life as a child of a King.
Its not that easy to see urself as a princess..BUT its important.
there were two sentences I reli loved in this book:

"Es ist an der Zeit, dass wir lernen, uns so zu lieben, wie Gott uns liebt, und uns selbst mit den Augen unseres Vaters zu sehen."

"Ich kann es mir nicht leisten, anders ueber mein Leben zu denken, als Gott denkt"

there is so much truth in those words.
why do I always see my life and think its not that important as others are??
IT IS!! because GOD gave me this life, and I am calles to LIVE!!
And I am loved. Loved by this wonderful loving God, there is NO GREATER LOVE!!
I should reli start to see that I am loved and believe it..and start to love myself..not in a way of arrogance, but in a way of a healthy portion of self-confidence.
Because we have the same spirit in us withwhich jesus conquered the death.
We have the challenge to do miracles in the name of God, things that are GREATER than the things Jesus did.
HE gave us the mission to do that!
WE ARE CHOSEN brothers and sister, so lets GO and heal the sick and raise the dead ones!!

do you know me at all??

do u know me? or do u even want to know me at all??

U see that girl whos going for whatever God has for her..
..but do u also see her strugglin to find her way in this big big world??
U see that girl whos going to the streets to tell the people that Jesus is alive and to pray for them..
..but do u also see that she has to make the decision to do something like this every day again??
U see that girl whos talkin about going to england for 10 months..
..but do u also see how much shes afraid of being somewhere far away alone??
U also see that girl whos talkin about that she wants a job to help people who are hopeless and who have nothing...
..but do u also see her how shes trying to find a job that fits and dealing with the frustration about the fact that she couldnt find one or that shes not good enough??
U see that girl whos laughing on photos because shes happy to have great people around her..
..but do u also see her sitting alone in her room, trying to make it through the day??
U see how strong she is and how good her life is..
..but do u also see the pain inside of her of all the things of the past?
maybe u see her waiting for the man who fits to her..
..but do u also see how she feels when shes standing next to you, not knowing what to say???

yeah maybe that girl even looks beautiful on the outside, she has a pretty face and a nice body...
...but do u see what her heart wants to say??
...do u see her soul??
...would u accept her with all her weakness and with the faults she has??
...would u understand when she cant find herself beautiful??
...would you support her on one of those days where she finds she is not good enough??
...would you love her just as shes trying to love you??

Im not sure if theres anyone out there who could...maybe you could be the one..
yeah maybe you could do and see all those things..because you would maybe want to...
maybe you???

failing

sometimes this life is reli hard..
I dont know where this way leads me..
I failed in school and I failed in so many areas in my life before..
always come back to the point that Im a loser..I know I shouldnt think like that and I actually dont want to..but the thoughts are just comin..
I dont know what kind of apprenticeship I should do when i come back from england..I dont know what to do in the time from decembre till august..
I dont know how I should live alone in england..
I dont know anything at all
and I also dont know how to be honest and how to let u know what I feel
I know that sometimes honesty is the only way to get clearness..but Im afraid of honesty..
Honesty could mean I get hurt deeply..it could mean I feel mader than before..
it could mean that i have to lock my room for 2 weeks so that noone can bother me becos I couldnt bear it..
please dont hurt me..please please dont hurt me...

honesty

just figured out that being honest is what I have to do..
I just dont know how and when and Im scared about it becos I could get hurt..
dont like thoughts like that..
But if I dont say anything Im gonna go crazy..
so the only thing I can do is praying...however this will end, Im sure that God is with me..

In my dream...

In my dream we were in love,
in reality it seems like it would only be me who is...

couldnt we both just fall asleep so that I can show u what Im dreamin of?

you and you and you..

I walked away and never said that I wanted to see u again

maybe thats the freakin problem..Im too shy to tell u that I would want to see u again..before u leave..and that Id love to spent as much time as possible with u..
and if I would be an asshole Id wish and pray that they dont take u (away from me)...
but Im not and so I pray that u can just go..

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before you go

actually nothing at all will change becos its not like I would see u that often..so who cares?
I do! I pray that God just opens your eyes, so that u can see me and that u can see who I am.
I pray that u see what I want from u..

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste 
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase 
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste 
I want you and your beautiful soul

but unfortunetely I waste one minute after another becos theres nothing I could do but foolish stuff and I dont always wanna be foolish..
If I would know that its worth it I wont care and I would be foolish..but I dont know if its worth it and I rather think its not..so I waste minute after minute, watchin, waiting, hoping, praying..

Im sorry that I like u more than I probably should!!

in your arms..

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do


aaaah..Im goin crazy someday..
should I sit watch and wait until I get old and grey?? how stupid is this...
but being honest is way too hard...becos that much more stupid...just ask myself what I should do..
I shuld concentrate on learning now but theres no way..my thoughts are just spinning..
and my time is running too..how stupid is this...its all so stupid!!

I'll keep going on
As just another one
With another song
Who wants to be the only one for you

Just another guy
Blinded by your smile
Just a lonely heart
Can't stand this aching feeling we're apart, apart

Let me sleep in your arms
Let me breathe this clean bright light surrounding you

I will not pretend
That I'm just a friend
My deliverance
Will you think about me every now and then
When I call again

Let me sleep in your arms
Let me breathe this clean bright lights surrounding you
Let me dream in your arms
Let me breathe this clean bright lights surrounding you

In your arms just in your arms


thats just how I feel..just another one whos blinded by your smile..Im sure that there are thousands of others who are more beautiful, more smart, more kind, have more self-confidence and stuff...
but theres one thing I could do: I could love u..more than everyone of them could..
I would take the stars from the sky just to give them to u..
I would write a song for you, or maybe even a thousand..
I just miss you...cant u see that??

wonderin what happened??

I feel my heartbeat...and its louder than before..
my stomach is full...eventhough I didnt eat anything
Im awake and totally crazy...but I almost had no sleep
Im thinkin all the time...but there is no thought I finish
Im tryin to go on...but I wanna turn back time
I close my eyes..but theres nothing but u!

I shouldnt love fall for you but I want to..

..Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it

-something changed-

enjoying life

so many things are happenin atm, I dont even have time to write it down here..
on friday I had a good evening for myself, just a bit chill-out time and hangin around doing nothing...that was good after all this stress..
on saturday Ive been to Goeppingen to listen to sandro baggio, a guy from sao paolo who told something about his church and about the stuff God did there..it was motivating to hear those storys..afterwards Ive been to a birthday which was great fun.
On sunday we had band practice and we had so much fun!!
those guys r reli great and they dont care about when I do not do all the stuff perfectly..
I just love the hours we spend there becos we have a greeat time.
In the evening Kaddi and I drove to Tamm, and I reeeli enjoyed the service there...
They talked about Jesus christ who died for everyone of us, which is a topic I already know of course, but I still think that u cant hear enough about it becos its such a great love and such a grace God offered us through this..
and after the service we talked to some uys we do not see that often and it was just a good time!! I reli enjoyed being there and I love to go to different places and hear different stuff about god so I couldnt imagine any place that wuld have been better for me yesterday!!
Im so thankful for this weekend and I think those are the times Ill love to remember when I look back in a few years!

but this night was pretty strange..
first of all I went to bed pretty late becos I arrived at home at abou 11.45 pm.
and through the night I woke up at least 3 times or something...and one time I woke up and didnt know where I am..reli scary!!
nevertheless lifes great atm...I enjoy it becos I know God has everything in his hands...even if its hard to wait sometimes...

its possible!!!

"Its possible!"
THIS SENTENCE MADE MY DAY!!!
okay my day was awesome anyway becos I went shopping in stuttgart with Kaddi and I finally found some stuff I needed.
afterwards weve been to a prophetic evening in kirchheim and we practiced this prophetic stuff a bit...and that was pretty cool...I never practised it that way...but it was a reli good experience.
afterwards two ppl prayed for me and they said some reli great things.
They said that I will have to get a peace into my heart and that this peace will come and with this peace will come calmness..and through this calmness God will show me my way.
They said God already talked to me but through all the stuff around me I culdnt hear and see clearly what HE told and what the world is telling. But with the peace and the calmness all the things the world is telling are slowly fading away and the things God is telling me will become more clear. And Im reli sure that this is right!!!
and they asked if I stood with a question before God...they culdnt know that, I didnt say anything about that..but the answer is "its possible!"
I have to figure it out but.....thats crazy and awesome stuff people!!!