learning life lessons :)

I totally enjoy being here at the moment!!
I hang out a lot with some amazing people, we have good evenings, good conversations, nice barbecuing and sometimes alcohol :D
No, to be honest, I totally enjoy it because I love being around people who are honest, funny, loving and good to talk to...And I realize more and more that this is something I really appreciate about this place here!
And I think thats exactly what I should do...enojy it here until Im leaving, so that I know that I used the time here good..
Its really going on at the moment, yesterday I said goodbye to loads of things that arent good for me..I decided to give away books and CDs I read and listened to a few years ago..its music with lyrics that arent okay..they are about violence, against God, for the Devil and so on...
Its not like I would have listened to all that stuff in the last year, its just that I still had loooaaads of this music on my computer... - I deleted EVERYTHING! It was kinda hard cos there were some bands I really liked, even two of my former favourite bands...But its away and I have no chance to get it back (well, I could buy all the CDs but I dont think I would do that^^)!
And I felt good afterwards! Amazingly free..and I know that God just wanted me to do that esterday...cos I felt a big contestation from the devil in my life and Im sure it has/had to do with my past because he exactly knows how he can get me...but there is no space for him, I wont give him space in my heart..he can do nothing cos I belong to Jesus.
God is also showing me his big big love again and again..and I think I still do not understand everything about it yet..but its so good to just let him speak the truth into my heart..I do not have to DO anything, I just have to BE! And this is soo incredible!!
So, even when Im not doing a bible school or something like that at the moment I can learn a looot!! Cos God is everywhere and he is always always good!! He is King..the ONLY King!!

leaving so soon...

sometimes (not very often) there are these days where I actually feel good about being in germany.
Amazing people around me. some nice paths to walk when I want some calmness around me. Everything I got used to in the many years I lived here. Fun, joy, happiness.
Those are the days I think I dont wanna leave. Where Im almost a bit scared to leave..away from everything and everyone I know? Alone? Without ANYBODY I know?
I know that the time is here to leave germany..I feel it and I know its good and soo important for me to get away for a while..get some inner healing, get to know the world, grow in my identity through being alone and bein forced to open up myself to get to know new people.
Yeah, just experiencing new stuff...
But as Im a person who always thinks shes missing something when shes not around here its pretty hard for me to leave everything I know and everything that is to come...Things I know will happen in the future but..I wont be there...and they will nevertheless happen...thats something that is very hard for me to take.
Some people might not understand this but thats just the way it is..and I think thats something I gotta learn while Im away...I cant be in 2 places at the same time..even if I try as hard as I can..its not possible.
So...its good to get away..but it also scares me...cos sometimes you do not know what you have and love till you leave...and...I dont wanna come back and see you are taken...

life..

sometimes I just cant believe how the time is running!
It feels like the year just started and now its may again...and it starts getting more and more interesting..when everything works out like I want it to Im gonna leave germany in a bit more that 3 months...which feels weird.
And Im gonna go to england..but..thats not everything. I think Ill really apply for the SOM in Toronto.
I never thought I would do that but sometimes Gods ways are different than we think.
Not much changed at all..Im still doing my job - delivering letters. I somehow hate it..and on the other hand its actually not that bad..I cant actually describe how I feel about it, its weird.
But that doesnt matter because I get some money for it and thats exactly what I need..
But sometimes Im still scared..that I dont have enough of it..
The things I wanna do, or better said the journeys to the other countries arent cheap...they are soo expensive..the only thing I can do is praying that God sends me a miracle or something...
So..actually thats all I gotta say..I dont know anything to tell..