thoughts

Ive just been thinking about soo many things the last time..and I dont know how to get wisdom to answer all the questions I have..
I wondered if Im the only one whos always thinkin and thinkin...and if thats the case I wonder how everyone else can live without thinking, without asking those questions..
for example one thing: what is my way? where is my place in this world? what will I do?
Right now I cant make a decision to chose a job I wanna do the next 10/20/30 years in my life...thats just a too big decision..On the other side I have to decide that sooner or later..
But first of all I actually wanna knnow what Im gonna do the next 12 months, that would be a good beginning..I made some decisions, one of them is that I will definitely leave germany. I definitely wanna go to england, but I dont know if it works out..england fells like the only place I wanna be at the moment..
the last few days I felt SO done with germany..I felt so wrong here and I just wished to get into a plane and to fly somewhere far away (or maybe not even that far..)..
Sometimes I like that feeling of total unsurance..it means that I dont know what comes next and that I have to trust God in every part of my life..and sometimes thats really okay because I KNOW that God has only the best for me..but sometimes its hard..cosyou cant tell where you are in 5 months..I cant tell you where Im gonna be, what Im gonna do and what is to come afterwards..I cant tell you anything at all and sometimes that scares me..why??
Because Im german and I learned to have secureness. I always knew how it felt to have a house to live in, without thinking about how to pay it..I knew how it feels to always have at least ONE person I can talk to when I felt bad (that doesnt mean I always did it but I had the possibility), I knew how it is to have one time at the day where I am doing what I always do and what I have to do (for example school), I always knew what comes next because it was always the same. I always knew where to go when Ive been ill, theres a doctor for everything around here..
I dont know where Im gonna live in england and particularly I dont know how to pay it, I dont know what Im gonna do everyday...I wont know where to go when Im ill cos I have NO idea what is where..Ill have to find some new people cos all my friends will still be my friends but they wont be around me..
I wont go to a school everyday and thats how it goes..and even now I feel out of secureness...okay I got a job I do 2 days a week and Ive got an internship..but it all not the same..I dont have a plan for the future and I dont know what Im gonna do..
I dont wanna say its a bad situation..its just frightening sometimes..thats all..and so Im thinking a lot about what is to come but I dont come to any end because right now there easily isnt a solution.
One more thing I realized is, that the next time I decide to have a relationship I want it to be forever.
And I know that many people say that, but I really mean it..why?
Because its way too painful to lose people you love...especially to lose the partner you once thought you´d spend your whole life with...I dont want that anymore..
that might sound weird, I know..but isnt it sad that, when youve been together for some time that you cant even talk anymore when you break up? thats rediculous...yes, it is!
I figured out that there is one thing that is getting more and more important for me. It is to learn from people..from people who are older, who have wisdom, who have experiences.
For me there is nothing that is more amazing than spending time with people, talking about life, about God, about what happened and what is to come.
It is sooo good to talk to wise people, and also to get challenged from them.
I realized I can learn SO much from them. And I think that will be one big part of my next year..just learning from people..that might sound boring or stupid in your ears but you know what? for me it is important..its such an important thing in life that we can have relationship to other generations. Seriously!! When I was younger I always thought "why should I spend time with people who could be my parents?"..now I think its important becuse they can be something like spiritual parents..I can learn those things from them I didnt learn in my non-christian family..I never had the possibility to ask my parents about anything that belongs to Jesus, to the bible or to the holy spirit..because they dont care about it.
And I dont know much, but one thing I know for sure:
There is only ONE foundation, ONE creator, ONE saviour, ONE king, ONE perfect father, ONE true friend, ONE who knows it all, ONE who has the right way, ONE hope, ONE who is perfect, ONE who is always there and only ONE who saved me.
I would rather lose every secureness in this world but standing there without God. Because without him Im REALLY lost. With him there is always something to hope for.
Something to look foreward to. Something I can be sure about: his great and big love that NEVER EVER ends.
Why am I telling you this??
I actually dont know..maybe because I want you to know my thoughts..maybe because I think it could touch you..maybe because I wanna share what I know...read it, say something or stay calm, whatever you do - have a nice day ;)